Monday, September 30, 2013

The Obamacare Wars Part II

July 22, 2213. 11 AM Northern Time. BGBC Holovision Studio. New Freedom, Ellesmere Island.

Sven and Karl are sitting at the News Desk and chatting amiably as they put the finishing touches on their report. Sven looked up at the camera as the technician counted down “3, 2, 1.”

Sven smiled and looked at Karl, saying, “That was amazing. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of context. Hopefully, as they continue to sort through the materials they will really get to the bottom of this. It appears that there was a government shutdown followed by some kind of financial crisis, precipitated by some faction of Congress known as Republicans and that their leader was someone named Ted Cruz.”

Karl responded, “Yes, Sven. It appears also that, at least of the time of this document that King Obama was not yet a King. They refer to him as the President. Do you think that they may have had some kind of government like our own?”

“It’s hard to say Karl, but the records that have been passed down to us say rather clearly that the Obamanian Dynasty was a Monarchy. It wasn’t until the reign of Queen Sasha the Fourth in 2113 that a Democratic Constitution was instituted after the great plague and the move of the Barackistan Capitol from Albany here to New Freedom after the conquest of the Canadian Resistance.”

“I guess that we’ll just have to listen to more of these reports, as soon as we re-establish to link to our correspondent on Catoctin Island. Karina, how’s the weather this morning?”

Karina smiled and straightened her dress. The pale blue of her eye shadow beckoned the camera and it zoomed in on her and then abruptly angled to the screen on her left.

“It’s hot, hot, hot. Going to be 32 degrees today. Look at those sailboats out on Baffin Bay. Looks cool and refreshing out there. Wish I could join them. And you can see the cliffs of Greenland clearly in the background. A beautiful day. Not much to complain about, but the solar farms and the windmills will be working overtime to keep all those houses comfortable this afternoon. Back to you Sven!”

“Yes, it’s time to resume our little trip into the past. This next piece is from Fox News the day after the President suspended the Constitution. Then there is something called This Week with George Stephanopoulos from a couple of days after the first tape.

Fox News, Saturday Morning, October 19, 9:42 AM.

“Brit, this is Ed Henry across from the White House. There are literally thousands of people in the street. Battle lines are being drawn. The forces of good and evil are facing off against each other. If you were an unbiased observer you might say that nobody is right and everybody is wrong. But these people are spoiling for a fight. They are singing songs and carrying signs. You can see them here in this picture. “Obama is a Kenyan Socialist Muslim. Go Home to Kenya You Voodoo Witch Doctor. Ted Cruz, get your Canadian Ass out of here. Go Back to Calgary Cruz! Keep your grubby Govermint Hands off my Medicare! That’s just a sampling. And then there are the giant effigies, one of Obama and one of Senator Cruz. This is crazy.”

“Ed, what’s the mood out there. It seems dangerous.”

“Well, Paranoia strikes deep. It’s insidious. Remember those sand bugs in the Wrath of Khan that burrow into the brain through the ear. It’s like that. This whole thing could blow sky high.”

“Stop! What’s that sound?” Everybody's looking around. “The effigy of Cruz is going up in flames! Now the Obama effigy is burning! The police are moving in. They are in riot gear. I can smell the tear gas. Dozens of protestors are being wrestled to the ground. Sirens are blaring. I hear shots! I hear shots!”

“Ed, run for cover. This is a war zone. Get out of there as fast as you can.” The tape ends abruptly. Brit Hume composes himself for the camera.
“It appears we’ve lost Ed. Chaos and paranoia at the White House. The country is going down in flames. It’s sickening, just sickening what the President is doing. The will of the people is being trampled on.

Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. ABC News.

George is absentmindedly staring into the camera. Then he focuses his eyes and smiles.

“We’re here this morning 48 hours after the President shocked the nation by actually acting to keep the government open. Things have been relatively quiet across the nation. There was a small scuffle across from the White House yesterday with two arrests for violating the District fire codes and there were small protests around the Capitol Building in Austin Texas yesterday, but most people were watching College Football and the Baseball playoffs. This has been a remarkable couple of days. What’s your take, George?”

George Will gathered himself and glowered across the table. “This is an unprecedented usurpation of power by the President. It’s a goddamn coup in the best Banana Republic tradition. Hugo Chavez couldn’t have done it better. He should be impeached and someday he will be impeached. But…” George paused for a moment and sighed. “He had to do something to make sure the Baseball playoffs were not disrupted. That would have been a tragedy of epic proportions.”

“Charles, what do you think is going to happen?”

Krauthammer, looked startled, as if awakened from a disturbing dream, and blurted out, “Happen? It’s already happened. The American experiment is over. Done. Kaput. We’re just a laughingstock Eastern European Socialist gulag now.”

Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. Fox News Sunday.

“Britt Hume here. The President, as we all know, committed the highest of all high crimes on Friday morning. Some would say that he just made official what he’s been doing all along, which is sucking up all of the power in this country, shoving his commie agenda down the throats of helpless Americans. He’s declared himself Hitler or Mussolini. Joe Stalin is cheering from the grave. FDR too and all those Pinko New Dealers. And his nemesis, the dashing Senator from Texas, Ted Cruz. Poor Ted has been locked up awaiting trial for Treason. Treason, my God! What an appalling turn of events. The White Knight in jail and the Black Knave in the Oval Office gloating. Obviously, this is a perversion of Justice, a perversion of the American way, a perversion of Mom and Apple pie. This is the disgusting spawn of gay marriage and European Socialist tyranny. What do you think of all this, Juan?”

Juan Williams took a deep breath and said, “Something had to be done. But clearly this was the wrong thing. I really think the President should have abdicated and turned the government over to an unbiased caretaker. Someone like Mitt Romney perhaps.”
“Yes, that would have been the sensible thing to do. We’ve got the Republican Governor from Texas on a live link from Austin. How you doin’ Governor?”
“Well, the Aggies really stomped all over Auburn yesterday and we’re looking forward to next week when the Longhorns hope to do the same. So we’re feeling pretty stoked this morning. Yee Ha! Go Texas.” A small crowd gathered around him flashed the Hook ‘em Horns sign and stomped and cheered loudly.

“Of course, we’re all saying our prayers for Teddy boy. It’s a darned shame. Here he sticks his neck out for the good of the country and look what happens. Oops. Never would have figured that Obama had cojones that big. Never in a million years. We’re fixin’ to send a Pardon request up to the President, along with our thanks for not letting the economy of the other 49 States go in the crapper and drag Texas down with it. Texas Strong, Brit. Go Aggies. Gotta go.”

“Resistance continues to mount across the country. There are numerous reports of arrests and pitched gun battles across the nation. Thousands of people in the streets. It was also reported that George Zimmerman was again taken into custody after threatening his neighbors and shooting out the lights at a local convenience store after arguing with the manager over a box of skittles. These are dangerous times. The rabble is roused. We suggest you stay inside and keep the doors locked unless you really have to go out. Keep a gun with you at all times, if possible.”

Sunday Afternoon, October 20. 1 PM Eastern Time. Fox Sports. “Hi Folks. We’re here at Redskins Stadium in Landover Maryland. It’s almost kickoff time and the crowd is buzzing. And they are hoping for a big victory from the Redskins against the mighty Chicago Bears after a very disappointing 1-4 start. Robert Griffin III has looked better and better each week, but the defense has been horrible. Chuck, how do you see this game?”

“Well, I think maybe if they borrowed a couple of balls from the President, they might be able to get something going, but otherwise this is likely to be another loss.”

"Okay. It’s time for the National Anthem. The crowd is roaring and waving those American flags that the Marines were passing out by the Stadium entrances. This is a great afternoon for Football and for America.”

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