Monday, September 30, 2013

The Obamacare Wars Part III

I separated this part out, because Part II was too long...

Sunday Evening, October 20. 7 PM Eastern Time. The President is the Guest of Steve Kroft on 60 Minutes. They are sitting in the Oval Office. The President is wearing tennis shoes, tan golf slacks, a pale blue shirt and a white cashmere sweater with the Presidential Seal emblazoned over his heart.

“Mr. President. I don’t know how you do it. The world has been crashing down around you for the last three weeks and you’re sitting here looking as calm and rested as if you’ve been on vacation for a month.”

“Well, Steve. Michelle keeps me on the straight and narrow. And have you seen those tomatoes from the Garden? Unbelievable. Lycopene. It’s really good for you. Prevents cancer. I’ll have Michelle get you a bag of them before you go. And I’ve been sleeping like a baby the last three nights.”
“Sir. What finally made you do it?”

“You know. It’s for the good of the country in the end. I thought about caving in to their demands for about a nanosecond, but my life flashed before me in that instant and I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Wrong for the Affordable Care act. Wrong for the Country. Wrong for me. After 2016 I’ll be happy to hand the keys over to Hillary or my bro Christie. But in the end these people just REALLY pissed me off.”

“I can understand that. So what’s next?”

“Tomorrow, I’m sending a number of appointments over to the Senate for Harry Reid to rubberstamp. Bill Clinton will be the new Chief Justice. Other than that, mostly housekeeping items.”

“Bill Clinton on the court?”

“I don’t know anyone more qualified or savvy. I mean who can parse the word “is” any better? And he’s probably the most popular politician in America.”

That may not be saying much these days, Mr. President. What else is on your agenda?”

“Donald Trump has decided to trade Trump National Golf Course to the Government. It will now be known as the White House National Golf Course. I’m planning to take a few days off this week and next to get in some golf while the fall weather is at its best.”
“So what was the trade? I hear that Trump drives a hard bargain.”

“Yeah. He’s almost as difficult as Cruz. But I got off easy. All he wanted was my original long form Kenyan Birth Certificate. A few calls to my relatives in Nairobi and it was a done deal.”

“That was a great deal. There are some rumors that you’ll be having some interesting golf partners.”

“Well, Vladimir is going to be in town next week, so we’ll be hitting the links to discuss the Syrian situation. Tomorrow, I’ll be playing with Osama Bin Laden.”

“Bin Laden? I thought he was dead.”

“Well, Steve, did you ever see the pictures?” The President laughs and smiles and his eyes glitter on camera. “The whole Abbotabad raid was staged with the help of the Pakistanis. They had already turned Osama over to us. It was a shame to lose that helicopter though. Anyway, turns out he’s not such a bad guy. Very misunderstood. The whole Caliphate thing was political posturing. He could give Boehner a few pointers. And he’s got a 13 handicap. Pretty good swing and putts like a demon.”

“You have him pretty well hidden. No one knew anything.”

“Well Steve, there are secrets and there are secrets. This one was NSA proof and right under their noses. He’s been living in a cave that was carved out of the bedrock under the Situation Room. We think Cheney was living there for much of the Bush Presidency from the evidence. It’s a big place too. He’s there with 72 virgins… Bill is always dropping by and asking if he can go down and get in on the action. But I tell him that they’re all in dark blue burqas anyway and Hillary has spies everywhere. Drives him wild.”

“Talk about a whirling dervish.”

“You’ve got that right Steve.”

“It’s been a pleasure talking to you Sir.”

“You too Steve. Come back any time. And don’t forget about the tomatoes.”

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