Wednesday, October 2, 2013

The Obamacare Wars Part IV

Monday, October 21. 10 AM Eastern Time. White House Press Briefing.

Jay Carney steps up to the podium and runs a finger through his cropped hair, adjusting his glasses. He peers out at the crowd.

“As you are no doubt aware, the President has sent Bill Clinton’s name over to the Senate as the nominee for Supreme Court Chief Justice last night. The government has also taken over the management of Trump National Golf Course, which is being renamed the White House National Golf Course and the President will be spending a few days there playing golf this week. As you also know, as long as you haven’t been watching Fox News, the Country has been relatively quiet this weekend. The international markets – London, Germany, the Nikei – are all up. Near record highs. Ed, first question.”

Ed Henry from Fox News stood up and fidgeted for a moment. “It’s my understanding that the President traded a Kenyan Birth Certificate for the Golf Course. Is that true? And was the President truly born in Kenya?”

“Yes Ed. That’s true. The President was indeed born in Kenya. He’s also a Muslim and a Socialist.” Carney paused for a moment, a sly grin crossing his lips for a brief moment. “And he’s also the duly elected President of the United States. Twice, in fact. Any other questions Ed?”

“Ah, no. I guess not.” Henry sat down uncomfortably, gnawing on the news and looking troubled.

“Chuck Todd. Whas up my man?”

“Where are the Republicans from Congress right now?”

“They should be resting comfortably in Guantanamo, though I can’t say whether any of them are hung over or not. We drove them down to the docks in Miami in Air Conditioned buses with an open bar. From all reports they were really tying one on. They also had satellite radio, so they could get all the games, though there were a few fights over which games to listen to. Nothing too bad. Just boys being boys for the most part. No offense to Marsha Blackburn and Michelle Bachmann, of course.”

“How are the conditions Jay? Any complaints?”

“Not that I have heard. These are First Class beachfront accommodations. It’s all-inclusive. Boehner has really been working on that tan. Top shelf Rum and Tequila. They have access to an ATM. If they want something different, the Cubans gather round the barbed wire gates and sell good cigars, Cuban Rum, and those great pork sandwiches. It’s paradise really. After some cooling off, we’ll be happy to let them back in the country. They’ll have to work off their debt to society though. No more cushy jobs bloviating for the cameras in DC.” The press corps chuckled uncomfortably.

“Will we have access to them? Interviews? Whatever?”

“Depends on how well you can swim, Chuck.” Jay peered down his nose and chuckled. The whole room laughed.

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