Friday, December 20, 2013
Obamacare Wars Redux
Despite passing a budget, Republicans in Congress are still making noise about holding the debt ceiling hostage. Read or re-read the Obamacare Wars, now on sale at Amazon.com for just 99 cents. Download it for your Kindle or other e-reader now...
Monday, December 16, 2013
Christmas Download
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.
Some of you may know that I am working on a new CD, which I am hoping to finish by the end of January. A lot of songs have been considered for this project but as it gets closer to completion it is coming more clearly into focus and some good songs fall to the wayside because they don’t quite fit with the overall vibe of the whole.
After New Year’s I will start posting clips of the finished product as songs get completed. Anyone who would like to purchase it in advance, please contact me at jimhealdmusic@comcast.net
Please download my song Journey into Light (right click and save file as…) as my holiday gift to you. While not a Christmas song, it has a message of spiritual renewal that is in keeping with the holidays. You can also let me know what you think of it via the same email address.
Best wishes for the New Year. May yours be filled with wonder, joy, love, peace, and prosperity.
Jim
Some of you may know that I am working on a new CD, which I am hoping to finish by the end of January. A lot of songs have been considered for this project but as it gets closer to completion it is coming more clearly into focus and some good songs fall to the wayside because they don’t quite fit with the overall vibe of the whole.
After New Year’s I will start posting clips of the finished product as songs get completed. Anyone who would like to purchase it in advance, please contact me at jimhealdmusic@comcast.net
Please download my song Journey into Light (right click and save file as…) as my holiday gift to you. While not a Christmas song, it has a message of spiritual renewal that is in keeping with the holidays. You can also let me know what you think of it via the same email address.
Best wishes for the New Year. May yours be filled with wonder, joy, love, peace, and prosperity.
Jim
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
Christmas is coming fast!
If you've got a Bruce Cockburn fan on your Christmas list, my book, World of Wonders: The Lyrics and Music of Bruce Cockburn is still available from Amazon.com in either paperback or kindle editions at very reasonable prices...
Get it here.
My CD's Wings of Time and Old Jalopy are available from CD Baby too. They make Great Stocking Stuffers.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...
Get it here.
My CD's Wings of Time and Old Jalopy are available from CD Baby too. They make Great Stocking Stuffers.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year...
Friday, October 18, 2013
Selected Songs and Poems also available for download or paperback purchase.
You can download the Kindle version of my Selected Songs and Poems from Amazon for $3.99 or buy the paperback for $9.99.
Click Here
Click Here
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Obamacare Wars for Kindle
The Obamacare Wars will be available for Kindle at Amazon.com for $2.99.
Click Here
Want a free copy? Leave a comment/review and I'll send you one... Thanks.
Click Here
Want a free copy? Leave a comment/review and I'll send you one... Thanks.
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
The Obamacare Wars: Epilogue
Leave a substantive comment and I will send you a copy of the complete story... Thanks for reading.
July 30, 2213. 10 AM Northern Time. BGBC Holovision Studio. New Freedom, Ellesmere Island.
“Sven and Karl here. This has been a magnificent voyage of discovery. These tapes have given us a glimpse into a period of the past that has long been shrouded in mystery. But it raises a lot of questions. Why was it that these Republicans were so intent on bringing down the country over the issue of Universal Health Care? And why, when there were so many other greater threats to economic stability and even the survival of the planet, was Health Care the issue that led so many people into apparent madness?”
“Yes Sven. From our perspective it seems obvious that they should have been dealing with Global Warming, the population explosion, rising sea levels, species loss and transitioning away from fossil fuels which were being ever more rapidly depleted. The global resource wars of the following decades finally brought much of that into some perspective, but by then it was simply too late. Because of the extreme heat and erratic and dangerous weather patterns, most of what was the temperate climate zones are now virtually uninhabitable.
Sven added, “there are many small pockets of primitive society throughout the world, whether in higher altitudes or protected valleys, but these pitiful bands are struggling mightily just to survive in very harsh environments. Clean water is hard to come by. The ground is either contaminated or simply devoid of minerals; a desert. Farming is basically impossible. Most large animals are extinct and plants, particularly edible plants, are increasingly hard to find, based on the limited research we have been able to do. Around the world, these communities number perhaps in the tens of thousands total.
“Here in the United Arctic Communities we number about 10 million and we’ve been in sporadic contact with the Republic of Antarctica, which has about 5-10 million inhabitants. We live pretty well, all things considered, but we were astounded by the opulence and waste that we witnessed on these recordings.”
“Sven, I think we would both like to say that Universal Health Care is very important. Here in the United Arctic Communities, everyone has access to the best health care that is available, including acupuncture, faith healing, and shamans. Though we are not rich in material goods, compared with some of our ancestors, we help each other out. We care for each other. We enjoy life, play music, dance and sing. We gaze at the stars in the winter and enjoy the nearly 24-7-180 hour sunlight in the summer.”
“Karl, don’t forget. Our researchers also uncovered a huge archive of music, literature and art along with these Presidential records. So we will have even more opportunity to get to know our distant relatives the Barackistanis. This is Sven Oberkilter signing off for the Sven and Karl Show. And to add our newest favorite saying, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, you might get what you need.”
“Keep on Rockin in the Free World, Sven my dear friend.”
July 30, 2213. 10 AM Northern Time. BGBC Holovision Studio. New Freedom, Ellesmere Island.
“Sven and Karl here. This has been a magnificent voyage of discovery. These tapes have given us a glimpse into a period of the past that has long been shrouded in mystery. But it raises a lot of questions. Why was it that these Republicans were so intent on bringing down the country over the issue of Universal Health Care? And why, when there were so many other greater threats to economic stability and even the survival of the planet, was Health Care the issue that led so many people into apparent madness?”
“Yes Sven. From our perspective it seems obvious that they should have been dealing with Global Warming, the population explosion, rising sea levels, species loss and transitioning away from fossil fuels which were being ever more rapidly depleted. The global resource wars of the following decades finally brought much of that into some perspective, but by then it was simply too late. Because of the extreme heat and erratic and dangerous weather patterns, most of what was the temperate climate zones are now virtually uninhabitable.
Sven added, “there are many small pockets of primitive society throughout the world, whether in higher altitudes or protected valleys, but these pitiful bands are struggling mightily just to survive in very harsh environments. Clean water is hard to come by. The ground is either contaminated or simply devoid of minerals; a desert. Farming is basically impossible. Most large animals are extinct and plants, particularly edible plants, are increasingly hard to find, based on the limited research we have been able to do. Around the world, these communities number perhaps in the tens of thousands total.
“Here in the United Arctic Communities we number about 10 million and we’ve been in sporadic contact with the Republic of Antarctica, which has about 5-10 million inhabitants. We live pretty well, all things considered, but we were astounded by the opulence and waste that we witnessed on these recordings.”
“Sven, I think we would both like to say that Universal Health Care is very important. Here in the United Arctic Communities, everyone has access to the best health care that is available, including acupuncture, faith healing, and shamans. Though we are not rich in material goods, compared with some of our ancestors, we help each other out. We care for each other. We enjoy life, play music, dance and sing. We gaze at the stars in the winter and enjoy the nearly 24-7-180 hour sunlight in the summer.”
“Karl, don’t forget. Our researchers also uncovered a huge archive of music, literature and art along with these Presidential records. So we will have even more opportunity to get to know our distant relatives the Barackistanis. This is Sven Oberkilter signing off for the Sven and Karl Show. And to add our newest favorite saying, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try some time, you might get what you need.”
“Keep on Rockin in the Free World, Sven my dear friend.”
The Obamacare Wars Part 9
Leave a comment and I will send you a copy of the complete story... Thanks for reading.
Monday, Feb 3, 2014. 10 AM EST. The White House.
“This is Brian Williams with NBC News. The President is about to make a brief announcement.”
President Obama stepped up to the microphone and smiled at the camera. “My fellow Americans. Yesterday, we witnessed the Democratic process inaction. Senator Cruz, though somewhat bloodied and humiliated before an audience that numbered in the hundreds of millions around the globe, survived his brush with death. And therefore, according to our laws and traditions that have been passed down to us since Roman times, we affirm that the Senator will live to fight another day.
“After getting a good hosing down, he was put on a plane to join his Republican House and Senate Comrades at the Guantanamo Resort, where he will enjoy a little R&R before being readmitted to civilian life. Thank you and good day.”
The president waved to the Camera and smiled again, then turned and walked away.
Sunday, February 16, 2014. 7 PM EST. Steve Kroft Interviews President Obama on 60 Minutes.
“Mr. President. It’s great to be back here interviewing you.”
“Steve. It is such a pleasure to have you here again. I hope you enjoyed the tomatoes.”
“They were delicious. But can I change the subject?” The President nodded his approval and said, “Fire away Steve.”
“As you know, we and a number of other News organizations have been reviewing your Kenyan Birth Certificate over the last few months, and we’ve come to the almost universal conclusion, Donald Trump and Orly Taitz aside, that it is a forgery, right down to the Made in Taiwan label at the bottom. Do you have anything to say about that Sir?”
“Of course. We were in critical negotiations with Donald Trump to take the White House National Golf Course off his hands and the Donald just would not budge. We had agreed to a price, but he just had this one condition. He had to have my Kenyan Long Form Birth Certificate or the deal was dead. Well, I called my Kenyan relatives in Nairobi to see if there’s anything they could do to help me out. I figured some Witch Doctor or something could conjure something up. But they told me about KenyanBirthCertificates.com. Who knew? I had one of my aides go online, they typed in the appropriate information and bam, we printed it out in less than an hour.”
“But you lied to us, Mr. President. How do you feel about that?”
“Well, we should go back and check the tape. I really don’t think I lied to you, but if I did, it was a little white lie, and since I’m only half white that really doesn’t count at all.”
Steve laughed at the President’s joke and continued, “Well OK. I guess you got me on that one Chief. We’ve also been checking on your Bin Laden scoop. No one has been able or willing to verify that he’s still alive and living in a cave under the Situation Room.”
“Steve, I’d take you down there myself, but he’s very shy about talking to the media. And besides, if I did, I’d have to have you killed. Top Secret National Security stuff. You understand. Any more questions, Steve?”
“No. As always, it’s been a pleasure, Sir.”
Monday, February 17, 2014. 10 AM EST. The White House Briefing Room.
Jay Carney stood at the podium and looked out at the White House Press Corps.
“Slow News day today. You will be pleased to note that last week the House and Senate agreed on a bill to defund the resort at Guantanamo Bay and stop paying for our Republican guests as of February 28th. The Congressional Budget office has estimated that this cost the Government about $1.5 million a week or something like $25 million for the duration. We were able to recover most of that by docking their pay and benefits for the same period, so we consider it money well spent. We would also like to announce that we have made a separate deal with the Hilton Corporation and Donald Trump to open the Guantanamo Bay Hilton Resort and Trump Casino. The transfer will begin on February 28th as well, but the resort will need extensive cleaning and renovations.
“Next week, Bill Clinton will be stepping down as Chief Justice and the Roberts Court will be reconstituted when the Conservative Justices return from their little vacation. They have agreed not to hear any cases related to bills that have been passed the last few months. The Former President will head up a blue ribbon panel of Top Democrats and the top conservative minds, folks such as Bill Kristol and Rich Lowry, to see how the Constitution can be restored and the electoral process restarted without leading to gridlock, budget hostage taking and puerile name calling. The panel will have a three month deadline for coming up with recommendations, so that we can have the 2014 elections on time.
“Ed Henry from Fox News. You get the first question.”
“Jay, since the President’s Kenyan birth certificate has been debunked, does that mean he was an American citizen all along? And why did he try to pass himself off as a Kenyan Muslim socialist?”
“Well, Ed. Donald Trump was adamant that he would only give us the golf course if the President presented him with his Kenyan Birth Certificate. Donald never demanded that the birth certificate had to be valid. The President explained all this on 60 Minutes last night, so I’m not going to repeat him. You can replay it on YouTube if you need more. I do believe that I said that the President was a Muslim and a Socialist, apparently erroneously, but different people see this differently. It’s a gray area. The President has great respect for people of the Muslim faith and has tried to act in accordance with the great wisdom of that tradition whenever it has been advantageous to do so. I think most people, certainly most people who watch Fox News, have no problem with me characterizing him as both a Muslim and a socialist, despite the fact that he also claims to be a Christian and a centrist.”
“Chuck Todd. You are next my brother.”
“It seems like there has also been a great deal of suspicion about Osama Bin Laden and whether he is or isn’t living in a cave under the White House Situation Room. No one has actually seen him or talked to him, despite the President playing golf on occasion with a vaguely Middle Eastern looking skinny 7 foot bearded man. Can you tell us categorically whether he is alive or dead and if not, is he living in the White House?”
“No. It’s classified. Top Secret. My lips are sealed.”
Friday, Feb 28, 2014. Around Sunset. Guantanamo Bay.
The last plane carrying former Republican lawmakers back to Washington taxied down the runway. The sun began to dip down over the horizon and the sunset exploded across the bay; orange and purple streamers floated across the faded blue denim sky. The engines roared and the plane lifted off.
Ted Cruz and Rand Paul stood on the edge of the runway watching the taillights disappear into the night sky. They turned and started walking back to the beach. Cruz reached out and lightly touched Paul on the elbow.
“Rand. I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
“Yes Ted. I think so…” and then added with a chuckle, “We’ll always have Paris, Texas.”
Monday, Feb 3, 2014. 10 AM EST. The White House.
“This is Brian Williams with NBC News. The President is about to make a brief announcement.”
President Obama stepped up to the microphone and smiled at the camera. “My fellow Americans. Yesterday, we witnessed the Democratic process inaction. Senator Cruz, though somewhat bloodied and humiliated before an audience that numbered in the hundreds of millions around the globe, survived his brush with death. And therefore, according to our laws and traditions that have been passed down to us since Roman times, we affirm that the Senator will live to fight another day.
“After getting a good hosing down, he was put on a plane to join his Republican House and Senate Comrades at the Guantanamo Resort, where he will enjoy a little R&R before being readmitted to civilian life. Thank you and good day.”
The president waved to the Camera and smiled again, then turned and walked away.
Sunday, February 16, 2014. 7 PM EST. Steve Kroft Interviews President Obama on 60 Minutes.
“Mr. President. It’s great to be back here interviewing you.”
“Steve. It is such a pleasure to have you here again. I hope you enjoyed the tomatoes.”
“They were delicious. But can I change the subject?” The President nodded his approval and said, “Fire away Steve.”
“As you know, we and a number of other News organizations have been reviewing your Kenyan Birth Certificate over the last few months, and we’ve come to the almost universal conclusion, Donald Trump and Orly Taitz aside, that it is a forgery, right down to the Made in Taiwan label at the bottom. Do you have anything to say about that Sir?”
“Of course. We were in critical negotiations with Donald Trump to take the White House National Golf Course off his hands and the Donald just would not budge. We had agreed to a price, but he just had this one condition. He had to have my Kenyan Long Form Birth Certificate or the deal was dead. Well, I called my Kenyan relatives in Nairobi to see if there’s anything they could do to help me out. I figured some Witch Doctor or something could conjure something up. But they told me about KenyanBirthCertificates.com. Who knew? I had one of my aides go online, they typed in the appropriate information and bam, we printed it out in less than an hour.”
“But you lied to us, Mr. President. How do you feel about that?”
“Well, we should go back and check the tape. I really don’t think I lied to you, but if I did, it was a little white lie, and since I’m only half white that really doesn’t count at all.”
Steve laughed at the President’s joke and continued, “Well OK. I guess you got me on that one Chief. We’ve also been checking on your Bin Laden scoop. No one has been able or willing to verify that he’s still alive and living in a cave under the Situation Room.”
“Steve, I’d take you down there myself, but he’s very shy about talking to the media. And besides, if I did, I’d have to have you killed. Top Secret National Security stuff. You understand. Any more questions, Steve?”
“No. As always, it’s been a pleasure, Sir.”
Monday, February 17, 2014. 10 AM EST. The White House Briefing Room.
Jay Carney stood at the podium and looked out at the White House Press Corps.
“Slow News day today. You will be pleased to note that last week the House and Senate agreed on a bill to defund the resort at Guantanamo Bay and stop paying for our Republican guests as of February 28th. The Congressional Budget office has estimated that this cost the Government about $1.5 million a week or something like $25 million for the duration. We were able to recover most of that by docking their pay and benefits for the same period, so we consider it money well spent. We would also like to announce that we have made a separate deal with the Hilton Corporation and Donald Trump to open the Guantanamo Bay Hilton Resort and Trump Casino. The transfer will begin on February 28th as well, but the resort will need extensive cleaning and renovations.
“Next week, Bill Clinton will be stepping down as Chief Justice and the Roberts Court will be reconstituted when the Conservative Justices return from their little vacation. They have agreed not to hear any cases related to bills that have been passed the last few months. The Former President will head up a blue ribbon panel of Top Democrats and the top conservative minds, folks such as Bill Kristol and Rich Lowry, to see how the Constitution can be restored and the electoral process restarted without leading to gridlock, budget hostage taking and puerile name calling. The panel will have a three month deadline for coming up with recommendations, so that we can have the 2014 elections on time.
“Ed Henry from Fox News. You get the first question.”
“Jay, since the President’s Kenyan birth certificate has been debunked, does that mean he was an American citizen all along? And why did he try to pass himself off as a Kenyan Muslim socialist?”
“Well, Ed. Donald Trump was adamant that he would only give us the golf course if the President presented him with his Kenyan Birth Certificate. Donald never demanded that the birth certificate had to be valid. The President explained all this on 60 Minutes last night, so I’m not going to repeat him. You can replay it on YouTube if you need more. I do believe that I said that the President was a Muslim and a Socialist, apparently erroneously, but different people see this differently. It’s a gray area. The President has great respect for people of the Muslim faith and has tried to act in accordance with the great wisdom of that tradition whenever it has been advantageous to do so. I think most people, certainly most people who watch Fox News, have no problem with me characterizing him as both a Muslim and a socialist, despite the fact that he also claims to be a Christian and a centrist.”
“Chuck Todd. You are next my brother.”
“It seems like there has also been a great deal of suspicion about Osama Bin Laden and whether he is or isn’t living in a cave under the White House Situation Room. No one has actually seen him or talked to him, despite the President playing golf on occasion with a vaguely Middle Eastern looking skinny 7 foot bearded man. Can you tell us categorically whether he is alive or dead and if not, is he living in the White House?”
“No. It’s classified. Top Secret. My lips are sealed.”
Friday, Feb 28, 2014. Around Sunset. Guantanamo Bay.
The last plane carrying former Republican lawmakers back to Washington taxied down the runway. The sun began to dip down over the horizon and the sunset exploded across the bay; orange and purple streamers floated across the faded blue denim sky. The engines roared and the plane lifted off.
Ted Cruz and Rand Paul stood on the edge of the runway watching the taillights disappear into the night sky. They turned and started walking back to the beach. Cruz reached out and lightly touched Paul on the elbow.
“Rand. I think this is going to be the start of a beautiful friendship.”
“Yes Ted. I think so…” and then added with a chuckle, “We’ll always have Paris, Texas.”
The Obamacare Wars Part 8
Leave a comment and I will send you a copy of the complete story... Thanks for reading.
Super Bowl Sunday. February 2, 2014. Half-time.
“John, the score is 9-7 in favor of the Lions. Do you have any thoughts on the game so far?”
“How many dropped passes and fumbles can you watch before you just shut off the TV. This game is horrible. If it wasn’t for the half-time show, I think most of America would have turned off by now.”
“Speaking of half-time, they have moved the stage into place at about the 40 yard line and there’s a special circular platform on hydraulic lifts that they have placed at the 50 yard line for Ted Cruz. The stage is huge, gigantic. It’s at least 20 feet off the ground.”
The lights of the stadium dimmed and the smiling visage of the President appeared on the Stadium Scoreboard screen via satellite link from the White House National Golf Course. He was looking well rested. There was a fire in the fireplace crackling softly. At the same time Ted Cruz was led to the special platform while a spotlight followed him. His hands were bound and the marshalls chained his legs to a short post in the center of the platform. It looked like he’d had a cheap haircut and was wearing a suit from Goodwill.
“My fellow Americans. Good Evening. I hope you are enjoying the game.” There was a restive murmur from the crowd and a smattering of boos. The President continued, “Sports and Politics have always been a potent combination, where people can take their passions and their skills and fight hard against their opponents. And at the end of the battle, they can shake hands and sit down and have a beer. Sure, one side gets bragging rights for a time when it’s all over, but every other team has a chance in the next cycle to be better and hit harder and run more negative ads and get more campaign donations and make more promises. And did you notice that they never seem to keep those promises. It’s all just trash talk and shuck and jive. Well, anyway, we have a special guest here tonight. Justice Clarence Thomas is here.” A smattering of cheers and clapping from the crowd. A feeble attempt at a wave began at section 33 and petered out at section 58.
“Justice Thomas. I understand that you have something to say.”
“Yes, Mr. President.” Clarence fidgeted in front of the camera.
“And what would that be, Clarence?”
“I am here to plead for your mercy in the case of Senator Ted Cruz.”
The President waited. And waited. He looked at his watch. A minute passed. The crowd was starting to boo.
“Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you Justice Thomas. That was a stirring plea. I’m sure Mr. Cruz appreciates your passion and sincerity. But the time has come for a final decision.” The President gazed into the camera, raised his right arm and turned his thumb down. The crowd roared and cheered their approval. The stood up and stomped their feet. They danced and swayed. The stadium rocked.
The President continued, “We now have a special guest from Rome. Pope Francis is joining us live to give the last rites.” The screen switched to Rome where the Pope stood on a balcony overlooking St Peter’s square. Despite the late hour, tens of thousands of visitors were cheering in the streets. The Pope waved back at the adoring crowd. Then the camera zoomed in on his face and he began the solemn rites.
“Bless you my son, though you have sinned. The Lord offers you his mercy. In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I forgive you my child. Quando para mucho mi amore chi cappela carathon.”
At the Vatican and in the Stadium the crowds erupted in cheers, and then Miley Cyrus stepped out of the shadows carrying a microphone with Britney Spears and Madonna at her side. The lights came up on stage, revealing the E-Street Band, minus the BS.
She waved at the audience to gasps and whoops, strutting out to the edge of the stage where there appeared to be a shimmering walkway connecting the stage to Ted Cruz. She stepped out onto walkway as the E-Streeters cranked up her mega-hit “Twerkin’ USA”. She began to dance, lifted by the music into some higher realm where she could look down on all the suckers and laugh at them. Britney and Madonna followed her until they had Cruz surrounded, moving in carnal delight. They danced more and more lasciviously, bumping and grinding against Ted’s pelvis and butt. Then Miley began to sing, sultry and vulnerable, and the crowd went wild, roaring and dancing in their seats.
If everybody had a dance floor
Across the U.S.A.
Then everybody'd be twerkin'
Like californ-I-A
You'd see 'em wearin' their baggies
and their High heels, too
Grab their bushy bushy bushy
Twerkin' U.S.A.
You'd catch 'em twerkin in DC
Ventura County line
Chicago and New York,
Crazy San Fran too,
All over Manhattan,
down San Diego way
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin U.S.A.
We'll all be going crazy
Shake your booty bump and grind
We're waxin' our bikini lines
We can't wait for June
We'll all be gone for the summer
Twerkin night and day
Tell the teacher we're twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
As the music continued Miley, Madonna and Britney danced as if they are one body joined in the electricity of the moment and they snaked their way back to the main stage as the crowd sung out in one supercharged voice, while below the spotlight shone brightly on a full grown male lion and an equally fierce looking Bengal tiger.
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
The Lion and Tiger sparred briefly and paced around the raised platform and roared as the crown gasped and then cheered even louder.
“This is fantastic John. I think that just made up for the entire first half and probably the second half too.”
“You said it Phil. I can barely catch my breath. And we’re just getting to the main event. This is amazing.”
Bruce Springsteen strode to the center of the stage and plugged in his electric guitar. One by one a parade of stars carrying microphones walked on to the stage and took their places as a gigantic chorus behind the band: the Rolling Stones, Beyonce and Jay-Z, David Bowie, Chris Isaak, Dave Matthews, the Temptations, Elvis Costello, Don Henley, Glenn Frey, Jackson Browne, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, Diana Ross, John Fogerty, Van Morrison, Iggy Pop, Toby Keith, Keith Urban, Gary Clark Jr., the Wildfeathers, Willie Nelson, Lady Gaga, T Bone Burnett, Paul McCartney, Tom Petty, Dave Grohl, Eddie Vedder, Bono, Michael Stipe, John Mellencamp, Neil Young, and last but not least Bob Dylan wearing dark glasses and a top hat, with a harmonica in his left hand.
Springsteen smiled and waved to the crowd as he stepped up to the microphone. “A one, a two, a three…” The band launched into a thundering rendition of “Born in the USA” and the hydraulic lift began to lower Ted Cruz to his certain demise. The lion and tiger leaped frantically at the platform as it carried their prey closer and closer to their glistening teeth. By remote control, the chains on Cruz’s legs released and he stared down at the menacing beasts.
As the platform reached the ground Cruz stood motionless. The lion and tiger moved warily under the spotlights, in and out of the shadows. They growled and eyed their prey, circling ever closer as the music rose into the night. Finally the Lion retreated a few steps, pawed the ground, and raised its mammoth jaws toward the band and roared hideously. Then it charged at Cruz, who closed his eyes and stood like a statue. The lion stopped inches from his face. It roared again and raised a massive paw, swiping at Cruz’s body. He collapsed in a heap. The lion stood over him, pondering its next move. Then it lifted its leg and peed on the pile of clothing, before ambling back into the shadows and lying down.
The music had stopped. The stadium was silent. You could hear a pin drop. Finally, the trainers got to work and lured the Lion and Tiger back to their cages. Several workers picked up the triply soiled Cruz, strapped him to a cart and drove off.
The music started up again with Bruce and Neil Young trading verses and flaming guitar solos on “Rockin in the Free World.” The Stones played “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and finally Bruce and the multitudes finished the set with a barn burning Rock ‘n Roll rendition of “We Shall Overcome”.
The crowd collapsed in their seats, exhausted and spent. They were dazed and dazzled, exhilarated beyond belief. They’d been shot up into the sky like a rocket and then thrown off a thousand foot cliff and lived to tell the tale. They had seen something that perhaps no one would ever witness again. The music, the fury, the spectacle, the drama of life and death played out on the biggest stage. The second half was an afterthought, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. As they regained some semblance of consciousness, groups of fans staggered out of their seats and left the stadium. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, the stadium was maybe one quarter full. They’d seen it all. There was nothing left to see.
Final Score? Nobody cared.
Super Bowl Sunday. February 2, 2014. Half-time.
“John, the score is 9-7 in favor of the Lions. Do you have any thoughts on the game so far?”
“How many dropped passes and fumbles can you watch before you just shut off the TV. This game is horrible. If it wasn’t for the half-time show, I think most of America would have turned off by now.”
“Speaking of half-time, they have moved the stage into place at about the 40 yard line and there’s a special circular platform on hydraulic lifts that they have placed at the 50 yard line for Ted Cruz. The stage is huge, gigantic. It’s at least 20 feet off the ground.”
The lights of the stadium dimmed and the smiling visage of the President appeared on the Stadium Scoreboard screen via satellite link from the White House National Golf Course. He was looking well rested. There was a fire in the fireplace crackling softly. At the same time Ted Cruz was led to the special platform while a spotlight followed him. His hands were bound and the marshalls chained his legs to a short post in the center of the platform. It looked like he’d had a cheap haircut and was wearing a suit from Goodwill.
“My fellow Americans. Good Evening. I hope you are enjoying the game.” There was a restive murmur from the crowd and a smattering of boos. The President continued, “Sports and Politics have always been a potent combination, where people can take their passions and their skills and fight hard against their opponents. And at the end of the battle, they can shake hands and sit down and have a beer. Sure, one side gets bragging rights for a time when it’s all over, but every other team has a chance in the next cycle to be better and hit harder and run more negative ads and get more campaign donations and make more promises. And did you notice that they never seem to keep those promises. It’s all just trash talk and shuck and jive. Well, anyway, we have a special guest here tonight. Justice Clarence Thomas is here.” A smattering of cheers and clapping from the crowd. A feeble attempt at a wave began at section 33 and petered out at section 58.
“Justice Thomas. I understand that you have something to say.”
“Yes, Mr. President.” Clarence fidgeted in front of the camera.
“And what would that be, Clarence?”
“I am here to plead for your mercy in the case of Senator Ted Cruz.”
The President waited. And waited. He looked at his watch. A minute passed. The crowd was starting to boo.
“Is that all?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you Justice Thomas. That was a stirring plea. I’m sure Mr. Cruz appreciates your passion and sincerity. But the time has come for a final decision.” The President gazed into the camera, raised his right arm and turned his thumb down. The crowd roared and cheered their approval. The stood up and stomped their feet. They danced and swayed. The stadium rocked.
The President continued, “We now have a special guest from Rome. Pope Francis is joining us live to give the last rites.” The screen switched to Rome where the Pope stood on a balcony overlooking St Peter’s square. Despite the late hour, tens of thousands of visitors were cheering in the streets. The Pope waved back at the adoring crowd. Then the camera zoomed in on his face and he began the solemn rites.
“Bless you my son, though you have sinned. The Lord offers you his mercy. In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. I forgive you my child. Quando para mucho mi amore chi cappela carathon.”
At the Vatican and in the Stadium the crowds erupted in cheers, and then Miley Cyrus stepped out of the shadows carrying a microphone with Britney Spears and Madonna at her side. The lights came up on stage, revealing the E-Street Band, minus the BS.
She waved at the audience to gasps and whoops, strutting out to the edge of the stage where there appeared to be a shimmering walkway connecting the stage to Ted Cruz. She stepped out onto walkway as the E-Streeters cranked up her mega-hit “Twerkin’ USA”. She began to dance, lifted by the music into some higher realm where she could look down on all the suckers and laugh at them. Britney and Madonna followed her until they had Cruz surrounded, moving in carnal delight. They danced more and more lasciviously, bumping and grinding against Ted’s pelvis and butt. Then Miley began to sing, sultry and vulnerable, and the crowd went wild, roaring and dancing in their seats.
If everybody had a dance floor
Across the U.S.A.
Then everybody'd be twerkin'
Like californ-I-A
You'd see 'em wearin' their baggies
and their High heels, too
Grab their bushy bushy bushy
Twerkin' U.S.A.
You'd catch 'em twerkin in DC
Ventura County line
Chicago and New York,
Crazy San Fran too,
All over Manhattan,
down San Diego way
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin U.S.A.
We'll all be going crazy
Shake your booty bump and grind
We're waxin' our bikini lines
We can't wait for June
We'll all be gone for the summer
Twerkin night and day
Tell the teacher we're twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
As the music continued Miley, Madonna and Britney danced as if they are one body joined in the electricity of the moment and they snaked their way back to the main stage as the crowd sung out in one supercharged voice, while below the spotlight shone brightly on a full grown male lion and an equally fierce looking Bengal tiger.
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
Everybody's gone twerkin'
twerkin' U.S.A.
The Lion and Tiger sparred briefly and paced around the raised platform and roared as the crown gasped and then cheered even louder.
“This is fantastic John. I think that just made up for the entire first half and probably the second half too.”
“You said it Phil. I can barely catch my breath. And we’re just getting to the main event. This is amazing.”
Bruce Springsteen strode to the center of the stage and plugged in his electric guitar. One by one a parade of stars carrying microphones walked on to the stage and took their places as a gigantic chorus behind the band: the Rolling Stones, Beyonce and Jay-Z, David Bowie, Chris Isaak, Dave Matthews, the Temptations, Elvis Costello, Don Henley, Glenn Frey, Jackson Browne, Alicia Keys, Janet Jackson, Diana Ross, John Fogerty, Van Morrison, Iggy Pop, Toby Keith, Keith Urban, Gary Clark Jr., the Wildfeathers, Willie Nelson, Lady Gaga, T Bone Burnett, Paul McCartney, Tom Petty, Dave Grohl, Eddie Vedder, Bono, Michael Stipe, John Mellencamp, Neil Young, and last but not least Bob Dylan wearing dark glasses and a top hat, with a harmonica in his left hand.
Springsteen smiled and waved to the crowd as he stepped up to the microphone. “A one, a two, a three…” The band launched into a thundering rendition of “Born in the USA” and the hydraulic lift began to lower Ted Cruz to his certain demise. The lion and tiger leaped frantically at the platform as it carried their prey closer and closer to their glistening teeth. By remote control, the chains on Cruz’s legs released and he stared down at the menacing beasts.
As the platform reached the ground Cruz stood motionless. The lion and tiger moved warily under the spotlights, in and out of the shadows. They growled and eyed their prey, circling ever closer as the music rose into the night. Finally the Lion retreated a few steps, pawed the ground, and raised its mammoth jaws toward the band and roared hideously. Then it charged at Cruz, who closed his eyes and stood like a statue. The lion stopped inches from his face. It roared again and raised a massive paw, swiping at Cruz’s body. He collapsed in a heap. The lion stood over him, pondering its next move. Then it lifted its leg and peed on the pile of clothing, before ambling back into the shadows and lying down.
The music had stopped. The stadium was silent. You could hear a pin drop. Finally, the trainers got to work and lured the Lion and Tiger back to their cages. Several workers picked up the triply soiled Cruz, strapped him to a cart and drove off.
The music started up again with Bruce and Neil Young trading verses and flaming guitar solos on “Rockin in the Free World.” The Stones played “You Can’t Always Get What You Want” and finally Bruce and the multitudes finished the set with a barn burning Rock ‘n Roll rendition of “We Shall Overcome”.
The crowd collapsed in their seats, exhausted and spent. They were dazed and dazzled, exhilarated beyond belief. They’d been shot up into the sky like a rocket and then thrown off a thousand foot cliff and lived to tell the tale. They had seen something that perhaps no one would ever witness again. The music, the fury, the spectacle, the drama of life and death played out on the biggest stage. The second half was an afterthought, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. As they regained some semblance of consciousness, groups of fans staggered out of their seats and left the stadium. By the beginning of the fourth quarter, the stadium was maybe one quarter full. They’d seen it all. There was nothing left to see.
Final Score? Nobody cared.
The Obamacare Wars Part 7
Leave a comment and I will send you a copy of the complete story... Thanks for reading.
December 1, 2013, 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
"This is Andrea Mitchell here on the steps outside the Supreme Court. Day One of the Ted Cruz Treason trial. A few moments ago, Cruz appeared in court in an orange jumpsuit, his legs in shackles and his hands bound. His hair was long, greasy and wild and much greyer than it had been during the shutdown battles. He had a long untrimmed grey and black beard."
Looking down his nose at the defendant, new Chief Justice Bill Clinton, resplendent in his black robes, asked, “Mr. Cruz, do you have any pre-trial motions?”
“I request, your Honor, that the trial be televised, so that the American People can see this miscarriage of Justice for themselves, with their own eyes.”
Clinton paused and removed his glasses. “Motion denied. This is just plain old fashioned country justice. Mano a Mano. You and me. Anything else?”
Cruz sighed and a wistful smile came to his lips. “I guess not.”
“How do you plead, Senator, to the charges of Treason?”
“Not Guilty, your Honor.”
“I guess we have a ball game then. Play ball gentleman. Mr. Holder, you may proceed with your opening statement.”
“Yes, Mr. President… I mean Mr. Chief Justice. We have a very detailed and well documented case against the defendant, Mr. Cruz. We will show that he conspired with his fellow Republicans and strategically chosen members of the media to bring down the Government of the United States. This heinous act of treason was almost successful in destroying the Republic.”
“Thank you Eric. Mr. Cruz, your turn.”
Ted stood up and looked around the courtroom, stroking his beard. He glared at Eric Holder. Justice Clinton appeared to be nodding off.
“My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country. Four score and twenty years ago, the democrats foisted upon this nation an abomination, or should I say an Obama nation. Socialism came to our shores, big time! Oh, they said that the only thing we had to fear, was fear itself. Well, be afraid. Be very afraid. The reign of terror has begun. The guillotine is being set up in the square. Madame Defarge is knitting while the executioner sharpens his blade. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. Get locked and loaded my friends. That’s what you can do for your country. Remember the Maine!!! Seriously. Remember the Maine. Remember the Alamo too.
“If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow. That’s right! I’m talking to you Billy Boy and you too Eric the Red. There will be fighting in the streets because the kids are alright. Let me say it again. The kids are alright.
“But we’re all just another brick in the wall. Cogs in the machine being crushed by the wheels of Big Government. We are all just yearning to be free and to be left alone, so that we don’t have to care anymore about the poor and the blacks and the reds and the yellows. That is the greatness of America! Being free to just not care anymore. We need to let go of this horrible burden that is crushing our government and crushing our people. Death by a thousand cuts. Cut off one head and a thousand more appear to menace the people.
“Your Honor, my people are tired. My people are broke. My people don’t like green eggs and ham. We will not be crucified on a cross of gold, cause this dog will NOT hunt.” Clinton stirred.
“You know what? I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I will be judged by the content of my character, not the color of my jumpsuit. I don’t need no riches. I don’t need no fortune nor fame. I’ve got all the riches one man could ever claim, right here in my heart. Don’t tread on me! Don’t you tread on me! I see a shining city on a hill. I see it. I see it all clearly. Give me Liberty or give me Death.”
Cruz took a slight bow, smiled and sat down. Clinton was snoring audibly, but dropped the gavel and awoke, startled at the sound.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Cruz, for that inspiring speech. I’m sure it will be studied in school for a thousand years.”
Eric Holder, the Attorney General, approached the bench and the bailiff called the first witness for the Prosecution.
“The prosecution calls Mr. Ted Cruz to the Stand.” A Federal Marshall unshackled Cruz’ legs and hands and led him to the stand, where he plopped down on the hard bench.
Holding out a Bible, the bailiff bellowed, “Do you, Mr. Cruz, agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
Cruz pondered the question for a moment and said softly, “The Truth…” He paused a moment and his eyes began to glitter with fire as his face took on a menacing look.
“The Truth, You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Pelosi? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Harry Reid and you curse the Tea Party. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that death, while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall…”
The Chief Justice pounded the gavel. “Order in the Court, Mr. Cruz. That was swell, but a simple yes or no would suffice. And by the way, I know Jack Nicholson and you Senator are no Jack Nicholson.”
“Yes, your Honor. I will tell the truth, the whole truth and whatever. But the American People demand more than a simple yes or no answer. They demand an end to their suffering under the unjust and arbitrary laws of this Administration. The truth is Your Honor that I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do like White Castle though… Mmmmmm. Sliders. That’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.”
January 1, 2014. 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
“This is Andrea Mitchell on the steps of the Supreme Court. This is a historic occasion. The Supreme Court is opened on New Year’s Day for the first time ever. Inside the sentence in the Ted Cruz Treason trial will be laid down. A few moments ago, Ted Cruz entered the courtroom flanked by two Federal Marshalls. His hair was even longer and more disheveled than it had been during the trial. His orange jumpsuit was wrinkled, as if he had slept in it all night. The sergeant at arms called out, “This court is now in session. All Rise.”
“Chief Justice Clinton, strode into the room like a colossus, his white mane perfectly coifed, his complexion ruddy. He took his seat. Then he waved for the assembly to sit and adjusted the glasses on his nose. His eyes were a little blood shot and frankly he looked tired. That New Year’s Eve party went on into the wee hours. I heard they were partying like it was 1999. What am I saying? We were partying like it was 1999.” The cameras turned on inside the court room. They zoomed in on the Chief Justice, who looked down at his prepared remarks.
“Mr. Cruz. I commend you for how well you did in your defense in playing such a bad hand. You have fomented an insurrection against the lawful government of the United States. You have committed Treason and the Penalty for Treason is Death. You will be executed at Half Time during the Super Bowl for all the world to see.” A smile crossed Cruz’s lips. His eyes brightened.
“Do you have any words for the Court, Senator?”
“I hope the Cowboys are playing, your Honor.” You might have thought for a second that he had won the lottery. The marshalls picked him up by the arms and whisked him away. Clinton stood up, turned, waved to the cameras and retreated to his chambers.
Super Bowl Sunday. February 2, 2014. East Rutherford, NJ. Moments before kickoff.
“We’re getting ready for the Super Bowl to start here. We were of course hoping for a matchup like the Saints and the Patriots, but that was not to be John.”
“Yeah, we’ve got the undercard tonight. A real snoozer. It’s the Bengals and the Lions, who both backed into the playoffs and managed to get here by sheer luck. I mean how many 80 yard fumble returns and last second interceptions in the end zone can any one team expect. But it seems like every game with these two teams, that was the script.”
“Well, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
“You can say that again. I must say that was a stunning rendition of the National Anthem by Beyonce. I was almost in tears. It’s just amazing to watch those breasts swell when she hits the high notes. And we’ve got a great half-time show planned for you all. We’ve got Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, The Who, Paul McCartney, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Madonna and a cast of thousands. And, of course, we’ve got the execution of Ted Cruz too. The Lions have won the toss and have elected to receive. Let’s play ball.”
December 1, 2013, 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
"This is Andrea Mitchell here on the steps outside the Supreme Court. Day One of the Ted Cruz Treason trial. A few moments ago, Cruz appeared in court in an orange jumpsuit, his legs in shackles and his hands bound. His hair was long, greasy and wild and much greyer than it had been during the shutdown battles. He had a long untrimmed grey and black beard."
Looking down his nose at the defendant, new Chief Justice Bill Clinton, resplendent in his black robes, asked, “Mr. Cruz, do you have any pre-trial motions?”
“I request, your Honor, that the trial be televised, so that the American People can see this miscarriage of Justice for themselves, with their own eyes.”
Clinton paused and removed his glasses. “Motion denied. This is just plain old fashioned country justice. Mano a Mano. You and me. Anything else?”
Cruz sighed and a wistful smile came to his lips. “I guess not.”
“How do you plead, Senator, to the charges of Treason?”
“Not Guilty, your Honor.”
“I guess we have a ball game then. Play ball gentleman. Mr. Holder, you may proceed with your opening statement.”
“Yes, Mr. President… I mean Mr. Chief Justice. We have a very detailed and well documented case against the defendant, Mr. Cruz. We will show that he conspired with his fellow Republicans and strategically chosen members of the media to bring down the Government of the United States. This heinous act of treason was almost successful in destroying the Republic.”
“Thank you Eric. Mr. Cruz, your turn.”
Ted stood up and looked around the courtroom, stroking his beard. He glared at Eric Holder. Justice Clinton appeared to be nodding off.
“My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country. Four score and twenty years ago, the democrats foisted upon this nation an abomination, or should I say an Obama nation. Socialism came to our shores, big time! Oh, they said that the only thing we had to fear, was fear itself. Well, be afraid. Be very afraid. The reign of terror has begun. The guillotine is being set up in the square. Madame Defarge is knitting while the executioner sharpens his blade. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. Get locked and loaded my friends. That’s what you can do for your country. Remember the Maine!!! Seriously. Remember the Maine. Remember the Alamo too.
“If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow. That’s right! I’m talking to you Billy Boy and you too Eric the Red. There will be fighting in the streets because the kids are alright. Let me say it again. The kids are alright.
“But we’re all just another brick in the wall. Cogs in the machine being crushed by the wheels of Big Government. We are all just yearning to be free and to be left alone, so that we don’t have to care anymore about the poor and the blacks and the reds and the yellows. That is the greatness of America! Being free to just not care anymore. We need to let go of this horrible burden that is crushing our government and crushing our people. Death by a thousand cuts. Cut off one head and a thousand more appear to menace the people.
“Your Honor, my people are tired. My people are broke. My people don’t like green eggs and ham. We will not be crucified on a cross of gold, cause this dog will NOT hunt.” Clinton stirred.
“You know what? I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I will be judged by the content of my character, not the color of my jumpsuit. I don’t need no riches. I don’t need no fortune nor fame. I’ve got all the riches one man could ever claim, right here in my heart. Don’t tread on me! Don’t you tread on me! I see a shining city on a hill. I see it. I see it all clearly. Give me Liberty or give me Death.”
Cruz took a slight bow, smiled and sat down. Clinton was snoring audibly, but dropped the gavel and awoke, startled at the sound.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Cruz, for that inspiring speech. I’m sure it will be studied in school for a thousand years.”
Eric Holder, the Attorney General, approached the bench and the bailiff called the first witness for the Prosecution.
“The prosecution calls Mr. Ted Cruz to the Stand.” A Federal Marshall unshackled Cruz’ legs and hands and led him to the stand, where he plopped down on the hard bench.
Holding out a Bible, the bailiff bellowed, “Do you, Mr. Cruz, agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
Cruz pondered the question for a moment and said softly, “The Truth…” He paused a moment and his eyes began to glitter with fire as his face took on a menacing look.
“The Truth, You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Pelosi? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Harry Reid and you curse the Tea Party. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that death, while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall…”
The Chief Justice pounded the gavel. “Order in the Court, Mr. Cruz. That was swell, but a simple yes or no would suffice. And by the way, I know Jack Nicholson and you Senator are no Jack Nicholson.”
“Yes, your Honor. I will tell the truth, the whole truth and whatever. But the American People demand more than a simple yes or no answer. They demand an end to their suffering under the unjust and arbitrary laws of this Administration. The truth is Your Honor that I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do like White Castle though… Mmmmmm. Sliders. That’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.”
January 1, 2014. 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
“This is Andrea Mitchell on the steps of the Supreme Court. This is a historic occasion. The Supreme Court is opened on New Year’s Day for the first time ever. Inside the sentence in the Ted Cruz Treason trial will be laid down. A few moments ago, Ted Cruz entered the courtroom flanked by two Federal Marshalls. His hair was even longer and more disheveled than it had been during the trial. His orange jumpsuit was wrinkled, as if he had slept in it all night. The sergeant at arms called out, “This court is now in session. All Rise.”
“Chief Justice Clinton, strode into the room like a colossus, his white mane perfectly coifed, his complexion ruddy. He took his seat. Then he waved for the assembly to sit and adjusted the glasses on his nose. His eyes were a little blood shot and frankly he looked tired. That New Year’s Eve party went on into the wee hours. I heard they were partying like it was 1999. What am I saying? We were partying like it was 1999.” The cameras turned on inside the court room. They zoomed in on the Chief Justice, who looked down at his prepared remarks.
“Mr. Cruz. I commend you for how well you did in your defense in playing such a bad hand. You have fomented an insurrection against the lawful government of the United States. You have committed Treason and the Penalty for Treason is Death. You will be executed at Half Time during the Super Bowl for all the world to see.” A smile crossed Cruz’s lips. His eyes brightened.
“Do you have any words for the Court, Senator?”
“I hope the Cowboys are playing, your Honor.” You might have thought for a second that he had won the lottery. The marshalls picked him up by the arms and whisked him away. Clinton stood up, turned, waved to the cameras and retreated to his chambers.
Super Bowl Sunday. February 2, 2014. East Rutherford, NJ. Moments before kickoff.
“We’re getting ready for the Super Bowl to start here. We were of course hoping for a matchup like the Saints and the Patriots, but that was not to be John.”
“Yeah, we’ve got the undercard tonight. A real snoozer. It’s the Bengals and the Lions, who both backed into the playoffs and managed to get here by sheer luck. I mean how many 80 yard fumble returns and last second interceptions in the end zone can any one team expect. But it seems like every game with these two teams, that was the script.”
“Well, they say the Lord works in mysterious ways.”
“You can say that again. I must say that was a stunning rendition of the National Anthem by Beyonce. I was almost in tears. It’s just amazing to watch those breasts swell when she hits the high notes. And we’ve got a great half-time show planned for you all. We’ve got Springsteen, the Rolling Stones, The Who, Paul McCartney, Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga, Madonna and a cast of thousands. And, of course, we’ve got the execution of Ted Cruz too. The Lions have won the toss and have elected to receive. Let’s play ball.”
Thursday, October 10, 2013
The Obamacare Wars Part VI
Mid-November. Mid-Afternoon. Guantanamo Bay.
John Boehner straddled the inflatable raft, pina colada in hand. His orange belly bobbed in the sun as the gentle surf rolled onto the white sand. He sucked the last of the drink into his gullet and tossed the plastic cup towards the beach where it tumbled in the water with a couple dozen compadres. He leaned back and closed his eyes, soaking up the sun like a giant sponge.
Rand Paul, got up from his beach towel and strolled towards the water’s edge. He stuck in one toe and then another. Before he knew it he had waded out to his waist in the water. Effortlessly, he dived under the water and disappeared.
A moment later, Boehner’s raft was flipped over and the Speaker was gasping for air.
“God Dammit Paul! Can’t a guy drink in peace? F#$%@ you!”
Paul splashed in the water laughing. On the beach, the Tea Party Caucus convulsed in chortles and guffaws. Michelle Bachmann wheezed like a Canadian goose in flight.
Mitch McConnell stood up and shouted at the two figures at the water’s edge: “Hey Aqua Buddha, you need another drink!”
Mid-November. Near Sunset. Guantanamo Bay.
Rand Paul and John Boehner are sitting at the beachfront bar, tossing back Margaritas and watching the day’s wrap up on C-SPAN.
“They are re-enacting the entire F#$%@ing New Deal. Civilian Conservation Corps. Check. Works Progress Administration. Check. What are they doing to our country, Rand? What are they doing to the debt?
“They’ll pay for it. You can’t escape the dustbin of history.”
Boehner looked at the bartender and asked for another round. “Joey, can you change the friggin channel? This is too depressing.”
“Sorry boss, this is the only channel we can get down here.” He smiled and handed them their drinks. Michelle Bachmann and Mitch McConnell were salsa dancing to a reggae tune pounding out of the juke box at ear splitting volume, while Eric Cantor, John Roberts and Steve King watched from a table in the corner.
Boehner moaned, “Another lousy sunset in paradise,” as he looked out at the disappearing sun.
Does Ted get convicted of Treason? Will he be sentenced to Death?
Will Clarence Thomas save him?
What happens at the Super Bowl? What role does Miley Cyrus play in this?
Does she fall for the dashing Senator from Texas?
Is President Obama really a Kenyan Citizen?
Is Osama Bin Laden really a guest at the White House?
Will Sven and Karl reveal what happens to the Planet?
Learn the answers to these and more. Pick up the complete revised copy of The Obamacare Wars at Amazon.com for only $2.99 and read it on your Smart Phone, Kindle, iPad, Tablet or Laptop.
John Boehner straddled the inflatable raft, pina colada in hand. His orange belly bobbed in the sun as the gentle surf rolled onto the white sand. He sucked the last of the drink into his gullet and tossed the plastic cup towards the beach where it tumbled in the water with a couple dozen compadres. He leaned back and closed his eyes, soaking up the sun like a giant sponge.
Rand Paul, got up from his beach towel and strolled towards the water’s edge. He stuck in one toe and then another. Before he knew it he had waded out to his waist in the water. Effortlessly, he dived under the water and disappeared.
A moment later, Boehner’s raft was flipped over and the Speaker was gasping for air.
“God Dammit Paul! Can’t a guy drink in peace? F#$%@ you!”
Paul splashed in the water laughing. On the beach, the Tea Party Caucus convulsed in chortles and guffaws. Michelle Bachmann wheezed like a Canadian goose in flight.
Mitch McConnell stood up and shouted at the two figures at the water’s edge: “Hey Aqua Buddha, you need another drink!”
Mid-November. Near Sunset. Guantanamo Bay.
Rand Paul and John Boehner are sitting at the beachfront bar, tossing back Margaritas and watching the day’s wrap up on C-SPAN.
“They are re-enacting the entire F#$%@ing New Deal. Civilian Conservation Corps. Check. Works Progress Administration. Check. What are they doing to our country, Rand? What are they doing to the debt?
“They’ll pay for it. You can’t escape the dustbin of history.”
Boehner looked at the bartender and asked for another round. “Joey, can you change the friggin channel? This is too depressing.”
“Sorry boss, this is the only channel we can get down here.” He smiled and handed them their drinks. Michelle Bachmann and Mitch McConnell were salsa dancing to a reggae tune pounding out of the juke box at ear splitting volume, while Eric Cantor, John Roberts and Steve King watched from a table in the corner.
Boehner moaned, “Another lousy sunset in paradise,” as he looked out at the disappearing sun.
Does Ted get convicted of Treason? Will he be sentenced to Death?
Will Clarence Thomas save him?
What happens at the Super Bowl? What role does Miley Cyrus play in this?
Does she fall for the dashing Senator from Texas?
Is President Obama really a Kenyan Citizen?
Is Osama Bin Laden really a guest at the White House?
Will Sven and Karl reveal what happens to the Planet?
Learn the answers to these and more. Pick up the complete revised copy of The Obamacare Wars at Amazon.com for only $2.99 and read it on your Smart Phone, Kindle, iPad, Tablet or Laptop.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
The Obamacare Wars, Part V
This has been revised and updated with new content on Oct 9.
December 1, 2013, 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
This is Andrea Mitchell here on the steps outside the Supreme Court. Day One of the Ted Cruz Treason trial. A few moments ago, Cruz appeared in court in an orange jumpsuit, his legs in shackles and his hands bound. His hair was long, greasy and wild and much greyer than it had been during the shutdown battles. He had a long untrimmed grey and black beard.
Looking down his nose at the defendant, new Chief Justice Bill Clinton, resplendent in his black robes, asked, “Mr. Cruz, do you have any pre-trial motions?”
“I request, your Honor, that the trial be televised, so that the American People can see this miscarriage of Justice for themselves, with their own eyes.”
Clinton paused and removed his glasses. “Motion denied. This is just plain old fashioned country justice. Mano a Mano. You and me. Anything else?”
Cruz sighed and a wistful smile came to his lips. “I guess not.”
“How do you plead, Senator, to the charges of Treason?”
“Not Guilty, your Honor.”
“I guess we have a ball game then. Play ball gentleman. Mr. Holder, you may proceed with your opening statement.”
“Yes, Mr. President… I mean Mr. Chief Justice. We have a very detailed and well documented case against the defendant, Mr. Cruz. We will show that he conspired with his fellow Republicans and strategically chosen members of the media to bring down the Government of the United States. This heinous act of treason was almost successful in destroying the Republic.”
“Thank you Eric. Mr. Cruz, your turn.”
Ted stood up and looked around the courtroom. He glared at Eric Holder. Justice Clinton appeared to be nodding off.
“My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country. Four score and twenty years ago, the democrats foisted upon this nation an abomination, or should I say an Obama nation. Socialism came to our shores, big time! Oh, they said that the only thing we had to fear, was fear itself. Well, be afraid. Be very afraid. The reign of terror has begun. The guillotine is being set up in the square. Madame Defarge is knitting while the executioner sharpens his blade. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. Get locked and loaded my friends. That’s what you can do for your country. Remember the Maine!!! Seriously. Remember the Maine. Remember the Alamo too. If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow. That’s right! I’m talking to you Billy Boy and you too Eric. There will be fighting in the streets because the kids are alright. Let me say it again. The kids are alright.
“But we’re all just another brick in the wall. Cogs in the machine being crushed by the wheels of Big Government. We are all just yearning to be free and to be left alone, so that we don’t have to care anymore about the poor and the blacks and the reds and the yellows. That is the greatness of America! Being free to just not care anymore. We need to let go of this horrible burden that is crushing our government and crushing our people. Death by a thousand cuts. Cut off one head and a thousand more appear to menace the people.
“Your Honor, my people are tired. My people are broke. My people don’t like green eggs and ham. I will not be crucified on a cross of gold, cause this dog will NOT hunt.” Clinton stirred.
“You know what? I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I will be judged by the content of my character. I don’t need no riches. I don’t need no fortune nor fame. I’ve got all the riches one man could ever claim, right here in my heart. Don’t tread on me! Don’t you tread on me! I see a shining city on a hill. I see it. I see it all clearly. Give me Liberty or give me Death.”
Cruz took a slight bow and sat down. Clinton was snoring audibly, but dropped the gavel and awoke, startled at the sound.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Cruz, for that inspiring speech. I’m sure it will be studied in school for a thousand years.”
Eric Holder, the Attorney General, approached the bench as the bailiff called the first witness for the Prosecution.
“The prosecution calls Mr. Ted Cruz to the Stand.” A Federal Marshall unshackled Cruz’ legs and hands and led him to the stand, where he plopped down on the hard bench.
Holding out a Bible, the bailiff bellowed, “Do you, Mr. Cruz, agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
Cruz pondered the question for a moment and said softly, “The Truth…” He paused a moment and his eyes began to glitter with fire as his face took on a menacing look.
“The Truth, You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Pelosi? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Harry Reid and you curse the Tea Party. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that death, while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall…”
The Chief Justice pounded the gavel. “Order in the Court, Mr. Cruz. That was swell, but a simple yes or no would suffice. And by the way, I know Jack Nicholson and you Senator are no Jack Nicholson.”
“Yes, your Honor. I will tell the truth, the whole truth and whatever. But the American People demand more than a simple yes or no answer. They demand an end to their suffering under the unjust and arbitrary laws of this Administration. The truth is Your Honor that I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do like White Castle though… Mmmmmm. Sliders. That’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.”
December 1, 2013, 10 AM EST. The Supreme Court.
This is Andrea Mitchell here on the steps outside the Supreme Court. Day One of the Ted Cruz Treason trial. A few moments ago, Cruz appeared in court in an orange jumpsuit, his legs in shackles and his hands bound. His hair was long, greasy and wild and much greyer than it had been during the shutdown battles. He had a long untrimmed grey and black beard.
Looking down his nose at the defendant, new Chief Justice Bill Clinton, resplendent in his black robes, asked, “Mr. Cruz, do you have any pre-trial motions?”
“I request, your Honor, that the trial be televised, so that the American People can see this miscarriage of Justice for themselves, with their own eyes.”
Clinton paused and removed his glasses. “Motion denied. This is just plain old fashioned country justice. Mano a Mano. You and me. Anything else?”
Cruz sighed and a wistful smile came to his lips. “I guess not.”
“How do you plead, Senator, to the charges of Treason?”
“Not Guilty, your Honor.”
“I guess we have a ball game then. Play ball gentleman. Mr. Holder, you may proceed with your opening statement.”
“Yes, Mr. President… I mean Mr. Chief Justice. We have a very detailed and well documented case against the defendant, Mr. Cruz. We will show that he conspired with his fellow Republicans and strategically chosen members of the media to bring down the Government of the United States. This heinous act of treason was almost successful in destroying the Republic.”
“Thank you Eric. Mr. Cruz, your turn.”
Ted stood up and looked around the courtroom. He glared at Eric Holder. Justice Clinton appeared to be nodding off.
“My only regret is that I have but one life to give for my country. Four score and twenty years ago, the democrats foisted upon this nation an abomination, or should I say an Obama nation. Socialism came to our shores, big time! Oh, they said that the only thing we had to fear, was fear itself. Well, be afraid. Be very afraid. The reign of terror has begun. The guillotine is being set up in the square. Madame Defarge is knitting while the executioner sharpens his blade. Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country. Get locked and loaded my friends. That’s what you can do for your country. Remember the Maine!!! Seriously. Remember the Maine. Remember the Alamo too. If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain’t gonna make it with anyone anyhow. That’s right! I’m talking to you Billy Boy and you too Eric. There will be fighting in the streets because the kids are alright. Let me say it again. The kids are alright.
“But we’re all just another brick in the wall. Cogs in the machine being crushed by the wheels of Big Government. We are all just yearning to be free and to be left alone, so that we don’t have to care anymore about the poor and the blacks and the reds and the yellows. That is the greatness of America! Being free to just not care anymore. We need to let go of this horrible burden that is crushing our government and crushing our people. Death by a thousand cuts. Cut off one head and a thousand more appear to menace the people.
“Your Honor, my people are tired. My people are broke. My people don’t like green eggs and ham. I will not be crucified on a cross of gold, cause this dog will NOT hunt.” Clinton stirred.
“You know what? I’ve got sunshine on a cloudy day. Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty I will be judged by the content of my character. I don’t need no riches. I don’t need no fortune nor fame. I’ve got all the riches one man could ever claim, right here in my heart. Don’t tread on me! Don’t you tread on me! I see a shining city on a hill. I see it. I see it all clearly. Give me Liberty or give me Death.”
Cruz took a slight bow and sat down. Clinton was snoring audibly, but dropped the gavel and awoke, startled at the sound.
“Thank you very much, Mr. Cruz, for that inspiring speech. I’m sure it will be studied in school for a thousand years.”
Eric Holder, the Attorney General, approached the bench as the bailiff called the first witness for the Prosecution.
“The prosecution calls Mr. Ted Cruz to the Stand.” A Federal Marshall unshackled Cruz’ legs and hands and led him to the stand, where he plopped down on the hard bench.
Holding out a Bible, the bailiff bellowed, “Do you, Mr. Cruz, agree to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
Cruz pondered the question for a moment and said softly, “The Truth…” He paused a moment and his eyes began to glitter with fire as his face took on a menacing look.
“The Truth, You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls. And those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Pelosi? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Harry Reid and you curse the Tea Party. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that death, while tragic, probably saves lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall…”
The Chief Justice pounded the gavel. “Order in the Court, Mr. Cruz. That was swell, but a simple yes or no would suffice. And by the way, I know Jack Nicholson and you Senator are no Jack Nicholson.”
“Yes, your Honor. I will tell the truth, the whole truth and whatever. But the American People demand more than a simple yes or no answer. They demand an end to their suffering under the unjust and arbitrary laws of this Administration. The truth is Your Honor that I do not like Green Eggs and Ham. I do like White Castle though… Mmmmmm. Sliders. That’s the whole truth and nothing but the truth. So help me God.”
Wednesday, October 2, 2013
The Obamacare Wars Part IV
Monday, October 21. 10 AM Eastern Time. White House Press Briefing.
Jay Carney steps up to the podium and runs a finger through his cropped hair, adjusting his glasses. He peers out at the crowd.
“As you are no doubt aware, the President has sent Bill Clinton’s name over to the Senate as the nominee for Supreme Court Chief Justice last night. The government has also taken over the management of Trump National Golf Course, which is being renamed the White House National Golf Course and the President will be spending a few days there playing golf this week. As you also know, as long as you haven’t been watching Fox News, the Country has been relatively quiet this weekend. The international markets – London, Germany, the Nikei – are all up. Near record highs. Ed, first question.”
Ed Henry from Fox News stood up and fidgeted for a moment. “It’s my understanding that the President traded a Kenyan Birth Certificate for the Golf Course. Is that true? And was the President truly born in Kenya?”
“Yes Ed. That’s true. The President was indeed born in Kenya. He’s also a Muslim and a Socialist.” Carney paused for a moment, a sly grin crossing his lips for a brief moment. “And he’s also the duly elected President of the United States. Twice, in fact. Any other questions Ed?”
“Ah, no. I guess not.” Henry sat down uncomfortably, gnawing on the news and looking troubled.
“Chuck Todd. Whas up my man?”
“Where are the Republicans from Congress right now?”
“They should be resting comfortably in Guantanamo, though I can’t say whether any of them are hung over or not. We drove them down to the docks in Miami in Air Conditioned buses with an open bar. From all reports they were really tying one on. They also had satellite radio, so they could get all the games, though there were a few fights over which games to listen to. Nothing too bad. Just boys being boys for the most part. No offense to Marsha Blackburn and Michelle Bachmann, of course.”
“How are the conditions Jay? Any complaints?”
“Not that I have heard. These are First Class beachfront accommodations. It’s all-inclusive. Boehner has really been working on that tan. Top shelf Rum and Tequila. They have access to an ATM. If they want something different, the Cubans gather round the barbed wire gates and sell good cigars, Cuban Rum, and those great pork sandwiches. It’s paradise really. After some cooling off, we’ll be happy to let them back in the country. They’ll have to work off their debt to society though. No more cushy jobs bloviating for the cameras in DC.” The press corps chuckled uncomfortably.
“Will we have access to them? Interviews? Whatever?”
“Depends on how well you can swim, Chuck.” Jay peered down his nose and chuckled. The whole room laughed.
Jay Carney steps up to the podium and runs a finger through his cropped hair, adjusting his glasses. He peers out at the crowd.
“As you are no doubt aware, the President has sent Bill Clinton’s name over to the Senate as the nominee for Supreme Court Chief Justice last night. The government has also taken over the management of Trump National Golf Course, which is being renamed the White House National Golf Course and the President will be spending a few days there playing golf this week. As you also know, as long as you haven’t been watching Fox News, the Country has been relatively quiet this weekend. The international markets – London, Germany, the Nikei – are all up. Near record highs. Ed, first question.”
Ed Henry from Fox News stood up and fidgeted for a moment. “It’s my understanding that the President traded a Kenyan Birth Certificate for the Golf Course. Is that true? And was the President truly born in Kenya?”
“Yes Ed. That’s true. The President was indeed born in Kenya. He’s also a Muslim and a Socialist.” Carney paused for a moment, a sly grin crossing his lips for a brief moment. “And he’s also the duly elected President of the United States. Twice, in fact. Any other questions Ed?”
“Ah, no. I guess not.” Henry sat down uncomfortably, gnawing on the news and looking troubled.
“Chuck Todd. Whas up my man?”
“Where are the Republicans from Congress right now?”
“They should be resting comfortably in Guantanamo, though I can’t say whether any of them are hung over or not. We drove them down to the docks in Miami in Air Conditioned buses with an open bar. From all reports they were really tying one on. They also had satellite radio, so they could get all the games, though there were a few fights over which games to listen to. Nothing too bad. Just boys being boys for the most part. No offense to Marsha Blackburn and Michelle Bachmann, of course.”
“How are the conditions Jay? Any complaints?”
“Not that I have heard. These are First Class beachfront accommodations. It’s all-inclusive. Boehner has really been working on that tan. Top shelf Rum and Tequila. They have access to an ATM. If they want something different, the Cubans gather round the barbed wire gates and sell good cigars, Cuban Rum, and those great pork sandwiches. It’s paradise really. After some cooling off, we’ll be happy to let them back in the country. They’ll have to work off their debt to society though. No more cushy jobs bloviating for the cameras in DC.” The press corps chuckled uncomfortably.
“Will we have access to them? Interviews? Whatever?”
“Depends on how well you can swim, Chuck.” Jay peered down his nose and chuckled. The whole room laughed.
Monday, September 30, 2013
The Obamacare Wars Part III
I separated this part out, because Part II was too long...
Sunday Evening, October 20. 7 PM Eastern Time. The President is the Guest of Steve Kroft on 60 Minutes. They are sitting in the Oval Office. The President is wearing tennis shoes, tan golf slacks, a pale blue shirt and a white cashmere sweater with the Presidential Seal emblazoned over his heart.
“Mr. President. I don’t know how you do it. The world has been crashing down around you for the last three weeks and you’re sitting here looking as calm and rested as if you’ve been on vacation for a month.”
“Well, Steve. Michelle keeps me on the straight and narrow. And have you seen those tomatoes from the Garden? Unbelievable. Lycopene. It’s really good for you. Prevents cancer. I’ll have Michelle get you a bag of them before you go. And I’ve been sleeping like a baby the last three nights.”
“Sir. What finally made you do it?”
“You know. It’s for the good of the country in the end. I thought about caving in to their demands for about a nanosecond, but my life flashed before me in that instant and I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Wrong for the Affordable Care act. Wrong for the Country. Wrong for me. After 2016 I’ll be happy to hand the keys over to Hillary or my bro Christie. But in the end these people just REALLY pissed me off.”
“I can understand that. So what’s next?”
“Tomorrow, I’m sending a number of appointments over to the Senate for Harry Reid to rubberstamp. Bill Clinton will be the new Chief Justice. Other than that, mostly housekeeping items.”
“Bill Clinton on the court?”
“I don’t know anyone more qualified or savvy. I mean who can parse the word “is” any better? And he’s probably the most popular politician in America.”
That may not be saying much these days, Mr. President. What else is on your agenda?”
“Donald Trump has decided to trade Trump National Golf Course to the Government. It will now be known as the White House National Golf Course. I’m planning to take a few days off this week and next to get in some golf while the fall weather is at its best.”
“So what was the trade? I hear that Trump drives a hard bargain.”
“Yeah. He’s almost as difficult as Cruz. But I got off easy. All he wanted was my original long form Kenyan Birth Certificate. A few calls to my relatives in Nairobi and it was a done deal.”
“That was a great deal. There are some rumors that you’ll be having some interesting golf partners.”
“Well, Vladimir is going to be in town next week, so we’ll be hitting the links to discuss the Syrian situation. Tomorrow, I’ll be playing with Osama Bin Laden.”
“Bin Laden? I thought he was dead.”
“Well, Steve, did you ever see the pictures?” The President laughs and smiles and his eyes glitter on camera. “The whole Abbotabad raid was staged with the help of the Pakistanis. They had already turned Osama over to us. It was a shame to lose that helicopter though. Anyway, turns out he’s not such a bad guy. Very misunderstood. The whole Caliphate thing was political posturing. He could give Boehner a few pointers. And he’s got a 13 handicap. Pretty good swing and putts like a demon.”
“You have him pretty well hidden. No one knew anything.”
“Well Steve, there are secrets and there are secrets. This one was NSA proof and right under their noses. He’s been living in a cave that was carved out of the bedrock under the Situation Room. We think Cheney was living there for much of the Bush Presidency from the evidence. It’s a big place too. He’s there with 72 virgins… Bill is always dropping by and asking if he can go down and get in on the action. But I tell him that they’re all in dark blue burqas anyway and Hillary has spies everywhere. Drives him wild.”
“Talk about a whirling dervish.”
“You’ve got that right Steve.”
“It’s been a pleasure talking to you Sir.”
“You too Steve. Come back any time. And don’t forget about the tomatoes.”
Sunday Evening, October 20. 7 PM Eastern Time. The President is the Guest of Steve Kroft on 60 Minutes. They are sitting in the Oval Office. The President is wearing tennis shoes, tan golf slacks, a pale blue shirt and a white cashmere sweater with the Presidential Seal emblazoned over his heart.
“Mr. President. I don’t know how you do it. The world has been crashing down around you for the last three weeks and you’re sitting here looking as calm and rested as if you’ve been on vacation for a month.”
“Well, Steve. Michelle keeps me on the straight and narrow. And have you seen those tomatoes from the Garden? Unbelievable. Lycopene. It’s really good for you. Prevents cancer. I’ll have Michelle get you a bag of them before you go. And I’ve been sleeping like a baby the last three nights.”
“Sir. What finally made you do it?”
“You know. It’s for the good of the country in the end. I thought about caving in to their demands for about a nanosecond, but my life flashed before me in that instant and I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Wrong for the Affordable Care act. Wrong for the Country. Wrong for me. After 2016 I’ll be happy to hand the keys over to Hillary or my bro Christie. But in the end these people just REALLY pissed me off.”
“I can understand that. So what’s next?”
“Tomorrow, I’m sending a number of appointments over to the Senate for Harry Reid to rubberstamp. Bill Clinton will be the new Chief Justice. Other than that, mostly housekeeping items.”
“Bill Clinton on the court?”
“I don’t know anyone more qualified or savvy. I mean who can parse the word “is” any better? And he’s probably the most popular politician in America.”
That may not be saying much these days, Mr. President. What else is on your agenda?”
“Donald Trump has decided to trade Trump National Golf Course to the Government. It will now be known as the White House National Golf Course. I’m planning to take a few days off this week and next to get in some golf while the fall weather is at its best.”
“So what was the trade? I hear that Trump drives a hard bargain.”
“Yeah. He’s almost as difficult as Cruz. But I got off easy. All he wanted was my original long form Kenyan Birth Certificate. A few calls to my relatives in Nairobi and it was a done deal.”
“That was a great deal. There are some rumors that you’ll be having some interesting golf partners.”
“Well, Vladimir is going to be in town next week, so we’ll be hitting the links to discuss the Syrian situation. Tomorrow, I’ll be playing with Osama Bin Laden.”
“Bin Laden? I thought he was dead.”
“Well, Steve, did you ever see the pictures?” The President laughs and smiles and his eyes glitter on camera. “The whole Abbotabad raid was staged with the help of the Pakistanis. They had already turned Osama over to us. It was a shame to lose that helicopter though. Anyway, turns out he’s not such a bad guy. Very misunderstood. The whole Caliphate thing was political posturing. He could give Boehner a few pointers. And he’s got a 13 handicap. Pretty good swing and putts like a demon.”
“You have him pretty well hidden. No one knew anything.”
“Well Steve, there are secrets and there are secrets. This one was NSA proof and right under their noses. He’s been living in a cave that was carved out of the bedrock under the Situation Room. We think Cheney was living there for much of the Bush Presidency from the evidence. It’s a big place too. He’s there with 72 virgins… Bill is always dropping by and asking if he can go down and get in on the action. But I tell him that they’re all in dark blue burqas anyway and Hillary has spies everywhere. Drives him wild.”
“Talk about a whirling dervish.”
“You’ve got that right Steve.”
“It’s been a pleasure talking to you Sir.”
“You too Steve. Come back any time. And don’t forget about the tomatoes.”
The Obamacare Wars Part II
July 22, 2213. 11 AM Northern Time. BGBC Holovision Studio. New Freedom, Ellesmere Island.
Sven and Karl are sitting at the News Desk and chatting amiably as they put the finishing touches on their report. Sven looked up at the camera as the technician counted down “3, 2, 1.”
Sven smiled and looked at Karl, saying, “That was amazing. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of context. Hopefully, as they continue to sort through the materials they will really get to the bottom of this. It appears that there was a government shutdown followed by some kind of financial crisis, precipitated by some faction of Congress known as Republicans and that their leader was someone named Ted Cruz.”
Karl responded, “Yes, Sven. It appears also that, at least of the time of this document that King Obama was not yet a King. They refer to him as the President. Do you think that they may have had some kind of government like our own?”
“It’s hard to say Karl, but the records that have been passed down to us say rather clearly that the Obamanian Dynasty was a Monarchy. It wasn’t until the reign of Queen Sasha the Fourth in 2113 that a Democratic Constitution was instituted after the great plague and the move of the Barackistan Capitol from Albany here to New Freedom after the conquest of the Canadian Resistance.”
“I guess that we’ll just have to listen to more of these reports, as soon as we re-establish to link to our correspondent on Catoctin Island. Karina, how’s the weather this morning?”
Karina smiled and straightened her dress. The pale blue of her eye shadow beckoned the camera and it zoomed in on her and then abruptly angled to the screen on her left.
“It’s hot, hot, hot. Going to be 32 degrees today. Look at those sailboats out on Baffin Bay. Looks cool and refreshing out there. Wish I could join them. And you can see the cliffs of Greenland clearly in the background. A beautiful day. Not much to complain about, but the solar farms and the windmills will be working overtime to keep all those houses comfortable this afternoon. Back to you Sven!”
“Yes, it’s time to resume our little trip into the past. This next piece is from Fox News the day after the President suspended the Constitution. Then there is something called This Week with George Stephanopoulos from a couple of days after the first tape.
Fox News, Saturday Morning, October 19, 9:42 AM.
“Brit, this is Ed Henry across from the White House. There are literally thousands of people in the street. Battle lines are being drawn. The forces of good and evil are facing off against each other. If you were an unbiased observer you might say that nobody is right and everybody is wrong. But these people are spoiling for a fight. They are singing songs and carrying signs. You can see them here in this picture. “Obama is a Kenyan Socialist Muslim. Go Home to Kenya You Voodoo Witch Doctor. Ted Cruz, get your Canadian Ass out of here. Go Back to Calgary Cruz! Keep your grubby Govermint Hands off my Medicare! That’s just a sampling. And then there are the giant effigies, one of Obama and one of Senator Cruz. This is crazy.”
“Ed, what’s the mood out there. It seems dangerous.”
“Well, Paranoia strikes deep. It’s insidious. Remember those sand bugs in the Wrath of Khan that burrow into the brain through the ear. It’s like that. This whole thing could blow sky high.”
“Stop! What’s that sound?” Everybody's looking around. “The effigy of Cruz is going up in flames! Now the Obama effigy is burning! The police are moving in. They are in riot gear. I can smell the tear gas. Dozens of protestors are being wrestled to the ground. Sirens are blaring. I hear shots! I hear shots!”
“Ed, run for cover. This is a war zone. Get out of there as fast as you can.” The tape ends abruptly. Brit Hume composes himself for the camera.
“It appears we’ve lost Ed. Chaos and paranoia at the White House. The country is going down in flames. It’s sickening, just sickening what the President is doing. The will of the people is being trampled on.
Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. ABC News.
George is absentmindedly staring into the camera. Then he focuses his eyes and smiles.
“We’re here this morning 48 hours after the President shocked the nation by actually acting to keep the government open. Things have been relatively quiet across the nation. There was a small scuffle across from the White House yesterday with two arrests for violating the District fire codes and there were small protests around the Capitol Building in Austin Texas yesterday, but most people were watching College Football and the Baseball playoffs. This has been a remarkable couple of days. What’s your take, George?”
George Will gathered himself and glowered across the table. “This is an unprecedented usurpation of power by the President. It’s a goddamn coup in the best Banana Republic tradition. Hugo Chavez couldn’t have done it better. He should be impeached and someday he will be impeached. But…” George paused for a moment and sighed. “He had to do something to make sure the Baseball playoffs were not disrupted. That would have been a tragedy of epic proportions.”
“Charles, what do you think is going to happen?”
Krauthammer, looked startled, as if awakened from a disturbing dream, and blurted out, “Happen? It’s already happened. The American experiment is over. Done. Kaput. We’re just a laughingstock Eastern European Socialist gulag now.”
Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. Fox News Sunday.
“Britt Hume here. The President, as we all know, committed the highest of all high crimes on Friday morning. Some would say that he just made official what he’s been doing all along, which is sucking up all of the power in this country, shoving his commie agenda down the throats of helpless Americans. He’s declared himself Hitler or Mussolini. Joe Stalin is cheering from the grave. FDR too and all those Pinko New Dealers. And his nemesis, the dashing Senator from Texas, Ted Cruz. Poor Ted has been locked up awaiting trial for Treason. Treason, my God! What an appalling turn of events. The White Knight in jail and the Black Knave in the Oval Office gloating. Obviously, this is a perversion of Justice, a perversion of the American way, a perversion of Mom and Apple pie. This is the disgusting spawn of gay marriage and European Socialist tyranny. What do you think of all this, Juan?”
Juan Williams took a deep breath and said, “Something had to be done. But clearly this was the wrong thing. I really think the President should have abdicated and turned the government over to an unbiased caretaker. Someone like Mitt Romney perhaps.”
“Yes, that would have been the sensible thing to do. We’ve got the Republican Governor from Texas on a live link from Austin. How you doin’ Governor?”
“Well, the Aggies really stomped all over Auburn yesterday and we’re looking forward to next week when the Longhorns hope to do the same. So we’re feeling pretty stoked this morning. Yee Ha! Go Texas.” A small crowd gathered around him flashed the Hook ‘em Horns sign and stomped and cheered loudly.
“Of course, we’re all saying our prayers for Teddy boy. It’s a darned shame. Here he sticks his neck out for the good of the country and look what happens. Oops. Never would have figured that Obama had cojones that big. Never in a million years. We’re fixin’ to send a Pardon request up to the President, along with our thanks for not letting the economy of the other 49 States go in the crapper and drag Texas down with it. Texas Strong, Brit. Go Aggies. Gotta go.”
“Resistance continues to mount across the country. There are numerous reports of arrests and pitched gun battles across the nation. Thousands of people in the streets. It was also reported that George Zimmerman was again taken into custody after threatening his neighbors and shooting out the lights at a local convenience store after arguing with the manager over a box of skittles. These are dangerous times. The rabble is roused. We suggest you stay inside and keep the doors locked unless you really have to go out. Keep a gun with you at all times, if possible.”
Sunday Afternoon, October 20. 1 PM Eastern Time. Fox Sports. “Hi Folks. We’re here at Redskins Stadium in Landover Maryland. It’s almost kickoff time and the crowd is buzzing. And they are hoping for a big victory from the Redskins against the mighty Chicago Bears after a very disappointing 1-4 start. Robert Griffin III has looked better and better each week, but the defense has been horrible. Chuck, how do you see this game?”
“Well, I think maybe if they borrowed a couple of balls from the President, they might be able to get something going, but otherwise this is likely to be another loss.”
"Okay. It’s time for the National Anthem. The crowd is roaring and waving those American flags that the Marines were passing out by the Stadium entrances. This is a great afternoon for Football and for America.”
Sven and Karl are sitting at the News Desk and chatting amiably as they put the finishing touches on their report. Sven looked up at the camera as the technician counted down “3, 2, 1.”
Sven smiled and looked at Karl, saying, “That was amazing. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of context. Hopefully, as they continue to sort through the materials they will really get to the bottom of this. It appears that there was a government shutdown followed by some kind of financial crisis, precipitated by some faction of Congress known as Republicans and that their leader was someone named Ted Cruz.”
Karl responded, “Yes, Sven. It appears also that, at least of the time of this document that King Obama was not yet a King. They refer to him as the President. Do you think that they may have had some kind of government like our own?”
“It’s hard to say Karl, but the records that have been passed down to us say rather clearly that the Obamanian Dynasty was a Monarchy. It wasn’t until the reign of Queen Sasha the Fourth in 2113 that a Democratic Constitution was instituted after the great plague and the move of the Barackistan Capitol from Albany here to New Freedom after the conquest of the Canadian Resistance.”
“I guess that we’ll just have to listen to more of these reports, as soon as we re-establish to link to our correspondent on Catoctin Island. Karina, how’s the weather this morning?”
Karina smiled and straightened her dress. The pale blue of her eye shadow beckoned the camera and it zoomed in on her and then abruptly angled to the screen on her left.
“It’s hot, hot, hot. Going to be 32 degrees today. Look at those sailboats out on Baffin Bay. Looks cool and refreshing out there. Wish I could join them. And you can see the cliffs of Greenland clearly in the background. A beautiful day. Not much to complain about, but the solar farms and the windmills will be working overtime to keep all those houses comfortable this afternoon. Back to you Sven!”
“Yes, it’s time to resume our little trip into the past. This next piece is from Fox News the day after the President suspended the Constitution. Then there is something called This Week with George Stephanopoulos from a couple of days after the first tape.
Fox News, Saturday Morning, October 19, 9:42 AM.
“Brit, this is Ed Henry across from the White House. There are literally thousands of people in the street. Battle lines are being drawn. The forces of good and evil are facing off against each other. If you were an unbiased observer you might say that nobody is right and everybody is wrong. But these people are spoiling for a fight. They are singing songs and carrying signs. You can see them here in this picture. “Obama is a Kenyan Socialist Muslim. Go Home to Kenya You Voodoo Witch Doctor. Ted Cruz, get your Canadian Ass out of here. Go Back to Calgary Cruz! Keep your grubby Govermint Hands off my Medicare! That’s just a sampling. And then there are the giant effigies, one of Obama and one of Senator Cruz. This is crazy.”
“Ed, what’s the mood out there. It seems dangerous.”
“Well, Paranoia strikes deep. It’s insidious. Remember those sand bugs in the Wrath of Khan that burrow into the brain through the ear. It’s like that. This whole thing could blow sky high.”
“Stop! What’s that sound?” Everybody's looking around. “The effigy of Cruz is going up in flames! Now the Obama effigy is burning! The police are moving in. They are in riot gear. I can smell the tear gas. Dozens of protestors are being wrestled to the ground. Sirens are blaring. I hear shots! I hear shots!”
“Ed, run for cover. This is a war zone. Get out of there as fast as you can.” The tape ends abruptly. Brit Hume composes himself for the camera.
“It appears we’ve lost Ed. Chaos and paranoia at the White House. The country is going down in flames. It’s sickening, just sickening what the President is doing. The will of the people is being trampled on.
Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. ABC News.
George is absentmindedly staring into the camera. Then he focuses his eyes and smiles.
“We’re here this morning 48 hours after the President shocked the nation by actually acting to keep the government open. Things have been relatively quiet across the nation. There was a small scuffle across from the White House yesterday with two arrests for violating the District fire codes and there were small protests around the Capitol Building in Austin Texas yesterday, but most people were watching College Football and the Baseball playoffs. This has been a remarkable couple of days. What’s your take, George?”
George Will gathered himself and glowered across the table. “This is an unprecedented usurpation of power by the President. It’s a goddamn coup in the best Banana Republic tradition. Hugo Chavez couldn’t have done it better. He should be impeached and someday he will be impeached. But…” George paused for a moment and sighed. “He had to do something to make sure the Baseball playoffs were not disrupted. That would have been a tragedy of epic proportions.”
“Charles, what do you think is going to happen?”
Krauthammer, looked startled, as if awakened from a disturbing dream, and blurted out, “Happen? It’s already happened. The American experiment is over. Done. Kaput. We’re just a laughingstock Eastern European Socialist gulag now.”
Sunday Morning, October 20. 10 AM Eastern Time. Fox News Sunday.
“Britt Hume here. The President, as we all know, committed the highest of all high crimes on Friday morning. Some would say that he just made official what he’s been doing all along, which is sucking up all of the power in this country, shoving his commie agenda down the throats of helpless Americans. He’s declared himself Hitler or Mussolini. Joe Stalin is cheering from the grave. FDR too and all those Pinko New Dealers. And his nemesis, the dashing Senator from Texas, Ted Cruz. Poor Ted has been locked up awaiting trial for Treason. Treason, my God! What an appalling turn of events. The White Knight in jail and the Black Knave in the Oval Office gloating. Obviously, this is a perversion of Justice, a perversion of the American way, a perversion of Mom and Apple pie. This is the disgusting spawn of gay marriage and European Socialist tyranny. What do you think of all this, Juan?”
Juan Williams took a deep breath and said, “Something had to be done. But clearly this was the wrong thing. I really think the President should have abdicated and turned the government over to an unbiased caretaker. Someone like Mitt Romney perhaps.”
“Yes, that would have been the sensible thing to do. We’ve got the Republican Governor from Texas on a live link from Austin. How you doin’ Governor?”
“Well, the Aggies really stomped all over Auburn yesterday and we’re looking forward to next week when the Longhorns hope to do the same. So we’re feeling pretty stoked this morning. Yee Ha! Go Texas.” A small crowd gathered around him flashed the Hook ‘em Horns sign and stomped and cheered loudly.
“Of course, we’re all saying our prayers for Teddy boy. It’s a darned shame. Here he sticks his neck out for the good of the country and look what happens. Oops. Never would have figured that Obama had cojones that big. Never in a million years. We’re fixin’ to send a Pardon request up to the President, along with our thanks for not letting the economy of the other 49 States go in the crapper and drag Texas down with it. Texas Strong, Brit. Go Aggies. Gotta go.”
“Resistance continues to mount across the country. There are numerous reports of arrests and pitched gun battles across the nation. Thousands of people in the streets. It was also reported that George Zimmerman was again taken into custody after threatening his neighbors and shooting out the lights at a local convenience store after arguing with the manager over a box of skittles. These are dangerous times. The rabble is roused. We suggest you stay inside and keep the doors locked unless you really have to go out. Keep a gun with you at all times, if possible.”
Sunday Afternoon, October 20. 1 PM Eastern Time. Fox Sports. “Hi Folks. We’re here at Redskins Stadium in Landover Maryland. It’s almost kickoff time and the crowd is buzzing. And they are hoping for a big victory from the Redskins against the mighty Chicago Bears after a very disappointing 1-4 start. Robert Griffin III has looked better and better each week, but the defense has been horrible. Chuck, how do you see this game?”
“Well, I think maybe if they borrowed a couple of balls from the President, they might be able to get something going, but otherwise this is likely to be another loss.”
"Okay. It’s time for the National Anthem. The crowd is roaring and waving those American flags that the Marines were passing out by the Stadium entrances. This is a great afternoon for Football and for America.”
Friday, September 27, 2013
The Obamacare Wars Part 1
The year is 2213 and we are reporting from a remote island which used to be a Mountaintop in the former fiefdom of Maryland. Researchers and archeologists have uncovered a cache of tapes and paper records from the administration of the First King Obama, who started the Obamanian Dynasty which has long been credited with saving the Republic of Barackistan from the horde of invaders from the backward Southern and Western provinces. However, this particular period is shrouded in mystery given the Oil and Gas Wars of the 2020s and the Climate Wars of the 2020s and 30s, and then the great flood of the 2050s which obliterated most of the low lying lands of the eastern seaboard. The reigns of Queen Hillary and Queen Elizabeth of Warren are much better documented, but leave plenty of questions unanswered. We’re going to play you some disks that we found which may shed some light on how this all got started. It’s taken them quite some time to figure out the technology, but we’ve finally figured out how to broadcast these fascinating historical documents.
October 18, 2013. 10 AM EST. “Hello, this is Brian Williams with NBC News. We interrupt this broadcast for an unscheduled Presidential Address. David Gregory is standing by in the Rose Garden of the White House on this beautiful October Morning. What’s going on David?"
“Well, the President is standing on the walkway just outside the Oval Office joking with Joe Biden and a couple of his aides. Now, he just gave a playful jab to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Martin Dempsey. The Presidential Podium is set up facing the cameras and the White House press corps. Otherwise there is a hush in the crowd. He looks remarkably calm and rested, despite the turmoil of the last few weeks. Wouldn’t you say Brian?”
“Yes. Quite remarkable really. The stress of all this must be enormous.”
“And now the President is stepping up to the microphone. The glimmer of his smile begins to fade into a look of relaxed determination.”
“My Fellow Americans. These last three weeks have been a strain on all of us. The brief government shutdown in early October was resolved with great difficulty and painful compromise, though our signature accomplishments have remained untouched. We managed to stabilize the markets, though a lingering malaise has continued as the forces of extremism pushed on, determined to get their way despite the terrible toll that they were exacting on all of us. There is no doubt that these forces of extremism, regardless of how well intentioned some of them are, have brought us to this unprecedented turning point of History. As a result of their intransigence, this Mighty Nation has been brought to the brink of economic catastrophe. The debt ceiling has been breached as of yesterday morning. We have enough cash on hand to pay the Interest on the National Debt. We have enough cash on hand to keep the Military in operation for the time being. The stock market dropped 30% yesterday and was closed early to prevent further losses. They did not reopen this morning, hopeful that by the end of the weekend some solution to this mess will be in place and confidence will be restored.
“Some of you have argued that I could use the 14th Amendment, which guarantees the full faith and credit of the United States to declare the debt limit law unconstitutional and continue borrowing to keep things running in the face of this Republican insurrection. Some have also floated the idea of casting a Trillion dollar coin and depositing it with the Federal Reserve.“ The President smiled for a moment and added, “Imagine trying to put that in your pocket and going out for groceries.” The Press Corp laughed nervously.
“While we might kid about such ideas, in my view, a Constitutional Crisis is not the way to solve an Economic Crisis. It would be a short-term fix, allowing the forces of extremism to lick their wounds and rally for another and then another and then another assault upon this great Nation and its traditions. And the people would suffer greatly. As Lincoln once said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand…I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.” Lincoln was a wise man and a great President. Perhaps the greatest of all our Presidents. Holding the Union together was not a popular course of action. Yet he held firm and the Union prevailed."
“For the last 24 hours, we have met with the leaders of the Opposition. They continue to refuse to compromise or alter their list of demands. Indeed they have added additional demands. They have sorely tried my patience and I am a VERY patient man. The words that Speaker Boehner used were “our way or the highway.” I take him as a man of his word. I have thought long and hard about our course of action over the last weeks, consulting with all the living Presidents, and some of the dead ones too.” He chuckled softly and smiled radiantly into the camera. “I have come to my decision with a heavy heart, but with a clear conscience. I do not take this action lightly. But Speaker Boehner and his troops have been shown the highway, as they demanded.”
“I am hereby declaring a state of emergency. I have temporarily suspended the Constitution and by executive order, the debt ceiling has been eliminated. I have talked with Wall Street and the leaders of the large banks and credit will flow normally when the Stock Market opens on Monday. If necessary, the National Guard and the Army will be on call to keep the peace in any district where it is deemed necessary. All Republicans in the Congress who refused to sign a loyalty oath have been arrested and have been loaded on buses heading to an undisclosed port, where they will board Coast Guard cutters bound for the new Federal Resort at Guantanamo Bay. In addition, Justices Alito, Scalia, Roberts, and Kennedy have also been arrested and are on the same buses. Clarence Thomas will remain as the token voice of the opposition on the court. I hope that after a moderate vacation in the sun and surf, with free margaritas and plenty of rum that they will see the error of their ways and return to us rested and ready to play a more constructive role in this great Enterprise. One leader of the insurrection however, cannot be dealt with so charitably. Mr. Ted Cruz, also known as “Calgary” Cruz and “Carnival” Cruz, no doubt for his cheery disposition and party planning skills, is being held in custody and will be tried for Treason. Elections have consequences. Ditto Insurrections."
“My Fellow Americans. Thank you for your patience through these great trials. Your Health Care has been saved, along with Medicare and Social Security. God Bless America and good day.” The president smiled and waved; then he stepped down from the podium and walked away quickly, disappearing into the Oval Office with Biden, his aides, and the Joint Chiefs.
“Brian. That was really a stunning performance.”
“Yes Indeed. The President was really on his game today. I expect a huge bounce in the poll numbers after this.”
Chris Matthews chimed in, eyes gleaming, “Masterful. Simply Masterful. Not one concession to the opposition.”
“What about the Cruz situation? Did he handle that correctly?”
“Well Cruz’s poll numbers, outside of Texas and the deep South, have totally cratered. He just has no support where it really matters.” Matthews was on fire.
“Yes, even his Republican allies seem to despise him. He’s got a rough road ahead making his case to the American people.”
“I think the end of this is a foregone conclusion.”
“No doubt about that,” said Harold Fineman with a sly smile.
“Thanks. This is Brian Williams for NBC News. We are now returning you to your regular scheduled broadcasting, but you can turn to MS-NBC for an ongoing discussion of these historic events.”
October 18, 2013. 10 AM EST. “Hello, this is Brian Williams with NBC News. We interrupt this broadcast for an unscheduled Presidential Address. David Gregory is standing by in the Rose Garden of the White House on this beautiful October Morning. What’s going on David?"
“Well, the President is standing on the walkway just outside the Oval Office joking with Joe Biden and a couple of his aides. Now, he just gave a playful jab to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Martin Dempsey. The Presidential Podium is set up facing the cameras and the White House press corps. Otherwise there is a hush in the crowd. He looks remarkably calm and rested, despite the turmoil of the last few weeks. Wouldn’t you say Brian?”
“Yes. Quite remarkable really. The stress of all this must be enormous.”
“And now the President is stepping up to the microphone. The glimmer of his smile begins to fade into a look of relaxed determination.”
“My Fellow Americans. These last three weeks have been a strain on all of us. The brief government shutdown in early October was resolved with great difficulty and painful compromise, though our signature accomplishments have remained untouched. We managed to stabilize the markets, though a lingering malaise has continued as the forces of extremism pushed on, determined to get their way despite the terrible toll that they were exacting on all of us. There is no doubt that these forces of extremism, regardless of how well intentioned some of them are, have brought us to this unprecedented turning point of History. As a result of their intransigence, this Mighty Nation has been brought to the brink of economic catastrophe. The debt ceiling has been breached as of yesterday morning. We have enough cash on hand to pay the Interest on the National Debt. We have enough cash on hand to keep the Military in operation for the time being. The stock market dropped 30% yesterday and was closed early to prevent further losses. They did not reopen this morning, hopeful that by the end of the weekend some solution to this mess will be in place and confidence will be restored.
“Some of you have argued that I could use the 14th Amendment, which guarantees the full faith and credit of the United States to declare the debt limit law unconstitutional and continue borrowing to keep things running in the face of this Republican insurrection. Some have also floated the idea of casting a Trillion dollar coin and depositing it with the Federal Reserve.“ The President smiled for a moment and added, “Imagine trying to put that in your pocket and going out for groceries.” The Press Corp laughed nervously.
“While we might kid about such ideas, in my view, a Constitutional Crisis is not the way to solve an Economic Crisis. It would be a short-term fix, allowing the forces of extremism to lick their wounds and rally for another and then another and then another assault upon this great Nation and its traditions. And the people would suffer greatly. As Lincoln once said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand…I do not expect the Union to be dissolved — I do not expect the house to fall — but I do expect it will cease to be divided. It will become all one thing or all the other.” Lincoln was a wise man and a great President. Perhaps the greatest of all our Presidents. Holding the Union together was not a popular course of action. Yet he held firm and the Union prevailed."
“For the last 24 hours, we have met with the leaders of the Opposition. They continue to refuse to compromise or alter their list of demands. Indeed they have added additional demands. They have sorely tried my patience and I am a VERY patient man. The words that Speaker Boehner used were “our way or the highway.” I take him as a man of his word. I have thought long and hard about our course of action over the last weeks, consulting with all the living Presidents, and some of the dead ones too.” He chuckled softly and smiled radiantly into the camera. “I have come to my decision with a heavy heart, but with a clear conscience. I do not take this action lightly. But Speaker Boehner and his troops have been shown the highway, as they demanded.”
“I am hereby declaring a state of emergency. I have temporarily suspended the Constitution and by executive order, the debt ceiling has been eliminated. I have talked with Wall Street and the leaders of the large banks and credit will flow normally when the Stock Market opens on Monday. If necessary, the National Guard and the Army will be on call to keep the peace in any district where it is deemed necessary. All Republicans in the Congress who refused to sign a loyalty oath have been arrested and have been loaded on buses heading to an undisclosed port, where they will board Coast Guard cutters bound for the new Federal Resort at Guantanamo Bay. In addition, Justices Alito, Scalia, Roberts, and Kennedy have also been arrested and are on the same buses. Clarence Thomas will remain as the token voice of the opposition on the court. I hope that after a moderate vacation in the sun and surf, with free margaritas and plenty of rum that they will see the error of their ways and return to us rested and ready to play a more constructive role in this great Enterprise. One leader of the insurrection however, cannot be dealt with so charitably. Mr. Ted Cruz, also known as “Calgary” Cruz and “Carnival” Cruz, no doubt for his cheery disposition and party planning skills, is being held in custody and will be tried for Treason. Elections have consequences. Ditto Insurrections."
“My Fellow Americans. Thank you for your patience through these great trials. Your Health Care has been saved, along with Medicare and Social Security. God Bless America and good day.” The president smiled and waved; then he stepped down from the podium and walked away quickly, disappearing into the Oval Office with Biden, his aides, and the Joint Chiefs.
“Brian. That was really a stunning performance.”
“Yes Indeed. The President was really on his game today. I expect a huge bounce in the poll numbers after this.”
Chris Matthews chimed in, eyes gleaming, “Masterful. Simply Masterful. Not one concession to the opposition.”
“What about the Cruz situation? Did he handle that correctly?”
“Well Cruz’s poll numbers, outside of Texas and the deep South, have totally cratered. He just has no support where it really matters.” Matthews was on fire.
“Yes, even his Republican allies seem to despise him. He’s got a rough road ahead making his case to the American people.”
“I think the end of this is a foregone conclusion.”
“No doubt about that,” said Harold Fineman with a sly smile.
“Thanks. This is Brian Williams for NBC News. We are now returning you to your regular scheduled broadcasting, but you can turn to MS-NBC for an ongoing discussion of these historic events.”
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Imagine No Obamacare
Imagine true compassion I wonder if you can
no need to give or share
beyond your tight-knit clan...
Imagine all the people
Living for today
Imagine no Obamacare it's easy if you try
kick grandma down the staircase
let all the deadbeats die
Imagine all the 47 percenters
Living life in dread
You may say I'm a dreamer (Ryan, Boehner, Cantor, Rubio, Paul, and Cruz...)
but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
Free and on our own..
Imagine bright tomorrows
It isn’t hard to do
warm gun under your pillow
And no taxes too
Imagine all the Makers
Finally set Free
You may say I'm a dreamer (Ryan, Boehner, Cantor, Rubio, Paul, and Cruz...)
but I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
Free and on our own..
(c)2013. Jim Heald. All Rights Reserved for the additions and changes to John Lennon's Imagine.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
New Book Out Now on Amazon
Right now, I'm not scheduled to play again until October 4 at Barrel Oak Winery, but I am doing some recording and also just published a book of selected songs and poems. It's available at Amazon...
Check it Out...
Friday, May 3, 2013
Part of My February 19 Interview with Thom Bishop
In February, I had the chance to sit down with novelist,
poet, songwriter, screenwriter Thom Bishop (also known by his pen name Junior
Burke). His novel Something
Gorgeous (2005) has been re-released on Kindle this spring. The book is Bishop’s take on The Great Gatsby, filling in the
background of Fitzgerald’s novel with the “true” story of the romance of Gatsby
and Daisy. Bishop’s style in this work
is more Hemingway or Dashiell Hammett than Fitzgerald, but he has a knack for
dialog and plot and keeps his story moving.
One of the more intriguing things about the book is how faithful it is
to the original while turning it inside out.
Even the most outlandish scenes in the book have some basis in
Fitzgerald’s story. In the interview, we talked mostly about his musical
efforts (he also just released a CD “A Little of Physics and a Lot of
Luck”) for a piece that I am writing on his music.
JH: Let’s switch gears here.
What drew you to the Great Gatsby
as the inspiration for your novel Something
Gorgeous?
TB: I just always
loved it and it was coming to the end of the century and they were always
making these lists of the top 100 American Novels of the 20th
Century and the Great Gatsby was
always either number one or number two.
But I felt something about that book that nobody else had ever pointed
out to my knowledge, which is that the book is a flawed work in that it’s told
in the first person, from the first person of Nick Carraway who lives next door
to Gatsby, so he’s somewhat of a passive narrator and then he meets this person
named Jordan Baker who is the conduit of all the information about Gatsby. She mentions it that first night at dinner.
She’s the one that Gatsby pulls in to the library and talks to.
But the trouble with that is that the Jordan Baker character
is presented by Nick as being somebody who’s untrustworthy. She cheats at
golf. She doesn’t put the top up on a
convertible that she borrows and it rains and the thing gets damaged and she
doesn’t cop to that. She’s a dishonest
person. So the trouble with it is that
when she’s pulled in to the library with Gatsby
and then she comes out and says I just heard the most amazing
thing. I met this guy five years ago and
he’s in love with Daisy and he built this house to get her attention. She’s carrying all that information but we
never heard that conversation because it’s told, the story is presented in the
first person and that happens off-stage and she’s somebody that we’re told is
not reliable.
So I started thinking about well what if when he pulls her
into the library he says, well is he falling for it, what’s going on. And so from that I just started… that was the
beginning of investigating that book.
Which again, I think is a beautiful book and a work of genius, but also
flawed. There’s a lot of unanswered
stuff in that book. There’s a lot of
very strange stuff in that book. There’s
a scene at the end of chapter two where it seems Nick Carraway had a same sex
experience with this photographer at this party. I mean there’s a lot of weird stuff that goes
on in that book that’s never explained.
JH: How long did it take to write?
TB: I started on Feb
20th 1998 and I finished it in ’05, or I guess at the
end of ’04. So it took about six years.
Five years, six years. Too
long. I’ve got to start turning these
over faster.
JH: There was an
interview, I think on your Junior Burke
Website where you mentioned you
were already about 1000 pages into another book. Is that ever going to see the light of day?
TB: I finished the
draft of it on Saturday and I hope so. Yeah it will. Something
Gorgeous just went up on Kindle and Nook and all that stuff, so if I can’t
find somebody to publish this new work, it’ll go up in that way.
JH: Is it more contemporary?
TB: No, it’s another alternate history. I saw a photograph in the 90’s actually that
stayed with me a long time. A photograph
of the young actor James Dean, acting on the stage at the General Electric
theater on CBS television, holding a gun on Ronald Reagan who was the host of
that program. So it was from 1954. And
in my book, James Dean is a young troubled actor and he becomes convinced that
Reagan is somehow this threat, dangerous threat and he ends up shooting him on
live television. And it’s the beginning
of a twelve year saga involving an ensemble of people through various parts of America
and overseas. And at one point it was
1000 pages, because I was writing from 1954 up until 1980. But at some point I just realized how out of
control that was and I stopped it in 1966 and now it’s 90,000 words which I
think is about right. And I just
finished it on Saturday.
JH: So it sounds like you’re going back to your 50’s and
60’s roots.
TB: I guess that’s my time period. I don’t know how you see it for
yourself. I’m basically a 20th
century person. I’m living now, but most
of the things that I, the sensibilities that I appreciate and gravitate toward
are still there.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
New Review of My CD - Old Jalopy
Jim Heald "Old Jalopy" Own label; 2012 [actually 2007, but who's counting]
This singer-songwriter lives just a few miles south of me in Alexandria, Virginia and learned guitar years ago in Chicago, where I have also lived. I have not seen his live show, but hope to soon as he does a fine job with these original folk songs. read more
Monday, March 25, 2013
New Music from the Elusive Mr. Bishop
“A Little Physics and a Lot of Luck” from Di-Tone Records is the new six song CD from veteran songwriter Thom Bishop (also known as Junior Burke). Thom burst onto the Chicago music scene in the mid-70’s in a blaze of creative energy and has been performing and writing (plays, screenplays, musical theater, novels, and songs) ever since. Despite a fairly considerable artistic output over the years, Bishop has managed to keep a low profile over the last 20 years. You can read more about him after the review.
This new album, his fifth release, is, in large part, an homage to Bishop’s musical influences, particularly the rock ‘n roll and literature of the late 50’s, with a nod to the psychedelic 60’s with Lennon’s I’m Only Sleeping and the title cut which is pure 70’s. It was mostly recorded in the late 70’s and early 80’s, around the time that his first record came out. Indeed, two of the six cuts are from his first album.
The title track kicks off the album with piano and harmonica. It sounds almost straight out of an early Bruce Springsteen anthem, chugging along like Thunder Road
I’m not entirely convinced that the lyrics fit that well with the heartland rock treatment. The words feel like they’re from a slightly different era, more theatrical than salt of the earth. There’s a lot of clever literary wordplay, particularly inversions of common phrases. The title is a twist on the old cliché that what goes up must come down. Here, it’s “what goes down, must come back up again.” It’s not really a rock anthem, as the music might suggest, and the wordplay could get lost in the arrangement.
The verses, which don’t rely as much of the clever wordplay may also get a little lost compared to the bravado and cleverness of the chorus. This is particularly true of his line in the second verse, “in the neon rain I felt the glass that had shattered deep inside.” The line aches with fragility. It’s painful to think of walking on broken glass, but to have something like glass shattering deep inside is almost unbearable to think of. In a recent conversation, Bishop explained that this was the only line that he rewrote and rerecorded from the original version. When he wrote the song, it went something like “in the neon rain I cried as hard as I did when Elvis died.” He later updated the reference from Presley to John Lennon, but even that reference is now dated, so it had to go. Clearly, this update is much sharper and is more directly applicable to the personal loss documented in the song.
The story boils down to flying into town to see an ex-lover. He’s having a drink; “the last one before the airplane touches down.” He’s probably had many drinks, since he says in the chorus that “you drain your cup then fill it up.” He views the meeting as a theatrical performance where he’ll “step on stage when the circus comes to town.” He knows she’ll be there, “unless she’s too sick to attend.” You can feel him hedging his bets, trying to not be crushed if she doesn’t show. It’s obviously a big deal to him, but he’s not sure what his audience of one really thinks about it.
He tried to forget her, but it was a painful breakup. He tells us that, “some scars are too deep to heal, too dark to ever mend.” But by the end of the song, he feels certain that she will be there and perhaps everything may even work out. It’s just “a little physics and a lot of luck.” Of course, the title phrase is pure wishful thinking, with not an ounce of physics.
He drops a reference to Eugene O’Neill’s play The Iceman Cometh in that last verse: “when our souls collide for the final time when the Iceman comes to town.” If you don’t know the play, it takes place in a bar where a bunch of alcoholic dreamers talk endlessly about their dreams, but never do anything. A salesman comes and tries to strip them of their illusions and they find that without them they have nothing. So at the end they go back to drinking and dreaming. It’s generally considered one of the bleakest plays of the 20th Century. Bishop could simply be suggesting in this reference that when they meet, that their illusions will be stripped away and they’ll see each other exactly as they are. But the play suggests that rising above your illusions and wishful thinking is extremely difficult and that life itself is almost too painful and difficult to bear without them.
Let me make one final comment on the arrangement for the song and you can take it for what it’s worth. It is a full throttle, piano-driven rocker and the musicianship, as on all the songs, is superb. I do think though that this song would have benefited from having more of a break in it, either a full instrumental break or a change in tempo or greater change in dynamics between the verses and choruses.
The next track, Endless Sleep was a hit for rockabilly singer Jody Reynolds in 1958 and a country hit for Hank Williams Jr. in 1964. It’s a favorite song of Thom’s, which he considers a “fabulous piece …of gothic rock.” The original recording is pretty laid back and almost sounds like a ballad with Reynolds’ smooth vocals very much on top of the mix. Bishop’s approach is more aggressive, layering on some Texas
The story is fairly straightforward. After a fight, the narrator’s lover wanders down to the seashore and throws herself in the waves. He comes looking for her. The “angry sea” taunts him that he’s taken his lover away. She calls to him to join her in the endless sleep of death. And finally, he jumps in, finds her and wrests her away from the sea and saves her from death.
The song exemplifies some of the casual chauvinism of the 1950’s. His girl is little more than a cipher. Her only words are “Come join me, baby, in my endless sleep.” Her only action is to throw herself in the waves after a fight. The narrator has something of a dialog with the “angry sea” and she’s little more than a pawn in the argument. At the end, he declares victory over the sea as, “my heart cried out ‘she's mine to keep’/I saved my baby from an endless sleep.” It’s almost more about him than it is about her.
The Wireless Wonder is Bishop’s paean to 50’s radio, the Beats, and the allure of the open road. This was the title cut from his first album and is really a suite. The intro is pastoral folk rock, with acoustic guitar over a gentle beat. Bishop told me he spent a lot of time on his grandparent’s farm when he was young in downstate Illinois, but I still have a hard time imagining him as the “fair haired farm boy, who’s never been kissed,” milking cows and slopping hogs. In any event, he “curls up next to the radio” at the end of a long day. After listening impatiently to the news (“the cold war, the hot war, and all that other jazz”), the anticipation and the tempo picks up and the song switches gears to straight ahead 50’s rock ‘n roll.
This is the true beating heart of the song and what connects it to the rest of the collection. You can imagine all the hours that Bishop and his innocent farm-boy alter-ego spent listening to Buddy Holly, Carl Perkins, Fats Domino, “the mods and rockers,” and Eddie Cochran while reading Jack Kerouac and itching to get his “blue suede shoes” on the road. This is a full throated embrace of the romanticism of the road through the wonder of the radio. He was “hip to the voice of the highway/schooled in the rules of the road.”
Though the lyrics in this section are mostly a pastiche, stringing together pop references, the phrasing and images are crisp and evoke the “magic” of the radio and the place in time perfectly. The only other song I can think of that tries to string together pop culture references in a remotely similar fashion is the mostly forgettable Billy Joel song, We Didn’t Start the Fire. Here it works perfectly.
When we get to section three, the piano and guitar drop out and we’re left with a thumping drumbeat and bass. This is a particularly tricky maneuver. The somewhat older and perhaps wiser narrator has replaced the wide-eyed innocent and addresses the listener directly in a spoken monologue. It begins with “headlights, searchlights, probing mother night.” He places himself in Chicago Chicago California
He recounts a drive along Route 66 through the night. Instead of dissolving in disillusionment, he “keep[s] pushing.” In the morning, with the sunrise, he feels that he’s moving toward “a hazy gold redemption in sunny California
The music picks back up and he recounts travels real or imagined across the country, through the heartland and the South, and thrill of being able to “bounce off Broadway…then fly to Frisco three hours late.” At the end, there is a saxophone solo, a Kansas City Blues flourish to top off the arrangement. The solo is played by Ron Dewar who toured with Elvis Presley. There’s also some great piano work by multi-instrumentalist Ed Tossing, who has worked with Bishop on a number of projects through the years. Bishop claims that there’s possibly no better keyboard player in rock or jazz than Ed Tossing out there, and based on what I’ve heard on Bishop’s albums, I’m inclined to agree. The only one that I can think of, and they are similar in some ways, is Lyle Mays, long-time collaborator with guitarist Pat Metheny. Bruce Hornsby is also worthy of consideration, but the styles are a little different.
This is a great and ambitious song and I’m glad to see it rescued here, so that we can all enjoy it again. In a recent interview, I asked Thom why he didn’t just re-release the whole album, which I thought was pretty good when it came out, and still do. He said that for him only about half of the album really worked. He said he made the classic mistake of putting too many that he had just written on the album, instead of picking his best work. While I might agree that not all of the songs are of the same high caliber as The Wireless Wonder, I’m sure he also thought that he’d be releasing albums year after year, instead of waiting the better part of a decade for the second.
This is followed by a cover of Lennon’s I’m Only Sleeping from the Beatles’ album Revolver. Bishop has covered Lennon before on his 1996 CD Feed Me a Dream. After three up-tempo numbers, this song provides a little bit of relief. This song is about that early morning state between sleep and waking, where your head is filled with the fragments of dreams. The singer doesn’t want to be disturbed from this state of reverie. He’s still able, in this state, to keep “an eye on the world going by.” But the song is much more than simply an evocation and celebration of the dreaming state. It’s also about simply being, taking life at its natural pace and rhythm; allowing it to happen. We don’t always have to be wide awake or strung out on coffee or cigarettes, living our rat race lives. As it says in the song:
Everybody seems to think I'm lazy
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find there's no need (There's no need)
I don't mind, I think they're crazy
Running everywhere at such a speed
Till they find there's no need (There's no need)
I was reminded of another Lennon song while I was listening to this one, the late-great Watching the Wheels. It expresses the same sentiment, but from a place of waking and a place of power. People are still calling him crazy and accusing him of being “lazy, dreaming [his] life away.” But he knows that the rat race or the merry-go-round is not where he wants or needs to be.
The song starts off slowly and quietly, providing a little breather between the first few songs and the last. But as the song progresses, the music gets louder and more electric and insistent, as though someone is trying to almost drag him out of bed and he’s resisting with his whole being. It reminded me a little bit of how the Black Keys start some of their songs low key and acoustic for a verse or two and then switch gears and turn on the whole band for a crashing finish. Here, the ratcheting up the tension as the dreamer resists being awakened.
While the original has some electronic effects, such as backward guitar loops, for the Beatles it’s a pretty conventional arrangement, inching towards the great psychedelic sound of Sgt Peppers rather than diving in and embracing it. The rhythm is a very heavy, almost plodding 4/4.
Bishop’s remake views the song through the lens of the psychedelic period, taking some cues for the arrangement from songs like Lucy in the Sky, Because, and The Sun King. He starts out slowly with just two guitars. The drums and the full band don’t kick in until the second verse and drop in and out of the mix until the ending section. This gives it a dreamier feel than the original, which is appropriate to the lyrics. Flute on the instrumental break adds a little to the late 60’s hippie vibe. In the end, the track manages to be both harder edged and more laid back than the original. Bishop’s vocals handle both aspects fluidly without harmony support. All in all, this is an excellent version of the song.
Crazy Black-eyed Lady in a Yellow Satin Dress is pure Honky-tonk, roadhouse blues, complete with piano, guitar and horns. The lady in question is beautiful and dangerous, a real heartbreaker. She’s every man’s fantasy, but no one can possess her. Bishop called it his “version of a Chuck Berry song” in a recent interview. The song starts out as a bit of a “guy walks into a bar” story. After listening to this guy bitch and moan for a while, the bartender finally asks him what he’s doing there, and he talks about the woman that he just can’t forget.
The second verse talks about parents dealing with an inter-faith relationship and using the Crazy Black eyed lady to break up their son’s romance. It may be the guy in verse one, or it may be someone else. The final verse generalizes, suggesting that most men would give up something dear to spend an hour with such a woman.
There’s more great piano work from Ed Tossing and the whole band really rocks out. The key here is that the story, as it plays out in the verses, is much less important than the bigger than life female myth that is conjured by the chorus and the joyous rock and blues music used to deliver the tale.
The Dream was Never Me puts the Tenor Sax right up front in the arrangement and it acts as a musical hook for the song, filling in at the beginning and end of the song and between each verse. The song is something of an interior monologue about dreams and illusions and the sometimes painful process of growing up. The second verse suggests, with perhaps a trace too much hyperbole (“vultures in the east” and “serpents in the sun” and odds of “a million plus to one”), the difficulty of standing up for yourself and asserting yourself, since we all can “lose eventually.”
The final verse is about Bishop’s disillusionment with the music business and the manufacturing of image. He states that:
Though you’ll never see my face
I’ll be playing in your head
As I try to state my case
Simply saying what I’ve said.
All the things they get behind
I just never want to be…
The irony here is that the singer is trying to separate himself from the hype and magic that he celebrated in The Wireless Wonder, that “everything is magic on the radio.” Or perhaps he’s suggesting that the real power of the radio is in the songwriter and performer trying to state his case and “simply saying” what he means.
You can also consider the song as a response to the opening track, suggesting that he’s put any self delusions and pipe dreams behind him. At the end of the end of the first verse and the end of the song with a slight variation, he states that “the lie was never mine and the dream was never real.” You have to live your own life and pursue your own dreams, not somebody else’s.
The last verse also suggests that he wants us take his songs at face value. The meaning should be clear whether you know him or you never see his face. Of course, you might argue that the meaning of this particular song is not exactly quite so transparent.
Despite the age of the recordings and the somewhat distant roots of the material, this is not an exercise in nostalgia. The music sounds fresh and timeless, the performances are impeccable and the songwriting is strong. Given the iPod and streaming, it sometimes seems as if all music is now contemporary music. I’m not sure these songs break any new ground in either blues or rock, but they sit comfortably with the classics and should find a home in the ever-changing musical landscape. And the version of I’m Only Sleeping redefines and elevates an underrated Beatles tune. You can’t ask for much more than that.
More on Thom Bishop
When he first moved to Chicago, fresh from studying drama at the University of Illinois, Thom was a successful singer-songwriter, performing mostly as a solo artist. He toured the country from New York California
Around 1979, he teamed up with the Chicago Los Angeles
The tug of the music business still remained strong and he started seriously writing songs again after a couple of years. He also started to make regular trips back to Chicago Lincoln Avenue
About the same time, one of his friends, multi-instrumentalist and songwriter David Bromberg, was producing an album for Bob Dylan at the time in Chicago and he recorded a couple of Thom’s songs. Unfortunately, the album was never released, though Thom did hear the songs and some of the other things from the session. He said that from what he’d heard, the sessions “turned out beautifully” and he hopes they see the light of day at some point.
He also rekindled his songwriting partnership with Louis Rosen and the two of them put together an ambitious original piece of musical theater, The Book of the Night, which had a successful run at the Goodman Theater in 1992, and had a revival off-Broadway in 1997. He recorded a third album, Feed Me a Dream, in 1996, produced by guitarist and long-time collaborator Billy Panda. This effort had, for the most part, more of a stripped down, acoustic sound.
He did the soundtrack and music for a film called American Reel, which starred David Carradine as a down and out musician, trying to make it one more time. He also got a writing credit for the film, but claims in a recent interview that he really didn’t contribute that much to the screenplay. On the other hand, he was very proud of the soundtrack, which contained some of Vassar Clements last recorded work and was mostly built around Carradine's own songs. Thom had nothing but praise for Carradine as an actor and singer/performer.
He published a very good novel, Something Gorgeous, in 2005 under the pen name Junior Burke. It has been re-released on Kindle this spring. The book is Bishop’s take on The Great Gatsby, filling in the background of Fitzgerald’s novel with the “true” story of the romance of Gatsby and Daisy. Bishop’s style in this work is more Hemingway or Dashiell Hammett than Fitzgerald, but he has a knack for dialog and plot and keeps his story moving. One of the more intriguing things about the book is how faithful it is to the original while turning it inside out. Even the most outlandish scenes in the book have some basis in Fitzgerald’s story.
Bishop released While You Were Gone in 2007, also under the name Junior Burke. This was possibly his most accomplished and best produced album.
Bishop has also very recently completed a draft of his second novel, an alternative history of the 50’s and 60’s which starts out with a young James Dean shooting Ronald Reagan on live TV in 1954. He also has two musical theater pieces which will be produced this summer and fall in upstate New York
Thom/Junior has taught creative writing at the Kerouac School for Disembodied Poetics at Naropa University in Boulder, Colorado for a number of years.
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